Typical Beilschmidt Family Moments
by Hokuto Uchiha
Summary: Just a series of short fics involving Gilbert, Ludwig, and the rest of their family. Full summary inside. MIGHT be moved to T in future chapters as needed.
1. Birthday Fright

**Summary:** Just a series of short fics involving Gilbert, Ludwig, and the rest of their family. All of them will _probably _be AU. Co-written by Musical Ninja.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Hetalia. That belongs to Hidekaz Himaruya.

**Author's Note:** WARNING: The clown in the story is a reference to this clown on ths one "Animaniacs" episode.

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**Chapter 1: Birthday Fright**

It was January 18. Gilbert and Ludwig Beilschmidt were celebrating their birthday on that day; Gilbert was turning 11, and Ludwig was turning 7. The boys were having fun with their friends at their birthday party when they heard a knock on the door. Gilbert and Ludwig both ran to the door and fought over who would answer it first.

"I'll get it!" Ludwig shouted.

"No, West, I'm older than you!" said Gilbert. "_I'll _get it!"

After a few minutes of fighting, Gilbert was pushed down on the floor by his little brother.

"Ha-ha! I win!" Ludwig said, and stuck his tongue out at Gilbert. The younger boy opened the door and was face-to-face with…a clown!

"Happy birthday, kids!" the clown said, getting in the Beilschmidt brothers' faces.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!" the boys screamed, and ran away from the door. Gilbert ran into the living room, and the boys' mother, Elise, came out of another room.

"Mommyyyyyyyyyyyyy!" Ludwig cried, running over to Elise and latching on to her.

"Lui, what is it?" Elise asked gently.

"Th-There's a clown at the door," said Ludwig.

"A clown?" Elise asked, confused.

"Yeah, and he's scary!" Ludwig said, starting to cry.

"Let me take a look," said Elise, and then went to the door.

When Elise reached the door, she found that her younger son was right about the clown.

"Nice lady, I'm here to entertain your children!" the clown said.

There was an awkward silence for a moment, and then…..

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Elise screamed at the top of her lungs. Then she quickly went to the kitchen and grabbed a frying pan that her father-in-law, Germania, was about to use to make burgers for Gilbert and Ludwig's birthday party.

"Hey," said Germania, "I was going to use that!"

"I need it NOW!" said Elise, and went back to the front door. She then hit the clown with the frying pan.

Gilbert and Ludwig's father, Claus, came out of another room and saw what his wife was doing.

"Elise, what the-?" he asked, pointing first at Elise, and then at the clown.

"This clown scared the kids," Elise said, annoyed.

"Oh, really?" said Claus, now glaring at the clown.

Meanwhile, Roderich Edelstein, Gilbert and Ludwig's older cousin, and his girlfriend, Elizabeta Hedervary, arrived, carrying presents with them.

"Aunt Elise, Uncle Claus," said Roderich, "we're here. Where do you want us to put the pres-?" Roderich and Elizabeta stopped in mid-walk when they saw Gilbert sitting in a corner in the living room, rocking back and forth and staring straight ahead. Ludwig, and his and Gilbert's friends were all gathered around him.

The young couple made their way through the group of kids, went up to the frightened 11-year-old, and bent down and looked at him.

"He won't move from the corner, Roddy," Ludwig said, looking up at his cousin.

"Gilbert?" Roderich asked.

"Are you okay?" asked Elizabeta.

"Cl-cl-cl-cl…clown…" Gilbert said over and over while rocking back and forth and staring straight ahead.

"Gilbo?" said Roderich. "It's me. It's Roddykins."

"R-R-R-Roderich…..the clown….cl-cl-clown's gonna kill me….." said Gilbert, still rocking back and forth.

"Oh no, not good," Roderich said to Elizabeta. Gilbert rarely, if ever, called Roderich by his _name_, and instead, would always call Roderich by Elizabeta's nickname for him: Roddykins. The only time that Gilbert _did _call Roderich by his name instead of a nickname was when something was up with him.

"Gilbo," Roderich said gently, "it's your cousin Roddykins."

"Clown's gonna kill me," Gilbert said quietly.

"No, the clown won't kill you," said Elizabeta. Then she looked over at Claus and Elise beating up the clown. "See?" she said, gesturing toward Gilbert and Ludwig's parents. "Your mom and dad are beating him up now."

Gilbert and Ludwig both looked over at their parents beating up the clown and burst into fits of laughter.

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**Author's Note:** Yay, first chapter! Well, this is what comes from waiting in the hot sun for the city bus, ha-ha.

**Reviews make Hokuto happy ^_^**


	2. Hijacked

**Author's Note:** WARNING: Reference to the episode of Seinfeld about the movie "The English Patient".

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**Chapter 2: Hijacked**

The Beilschmidt family arrived at JFK International Airport at 7:00 in the morning; Claus, Elise, Roderich, Gilbert, and Ludwig were still groggy from having to get up at 6:00 just to get ready. The only one who wasn't tired was Germania. The family was going on a trip to Munich that day.

"Dad," said Claus, "why did you have us get here at _7:00_, when our flight leaves at _9:00_?"

"Well, I believe that being early to something's not a bad thing," said Germania.

"Yeah, but this is _too early_," Elise said, rolling her eyes at the old man.

"Yeah, Grandpa," Roderich said, annoyed.

"Roddy, I wanna ride on that thing!" Gilbert said, pulling on his cousin's shirt and pointing at the luggage carousel.

"Shut up, GilGil!" Roderich said.

"Don't call me GilGil!" said Gilbert, pouting.

"Sorry," said Roderich. "I just don't know why I couldn't bring my piano on the plane."

"Because you can't," said Germania.

"Yeah, Roddykins," Ludwig said.

"Don't call me Roddykins, LuLu!" Roderich said.

"Don't call me LuLu!" Ludwig yelled and jumped up and down, holding his teddy bear.

After Roderich used the nicknames they hated on them, Gilbert and Ludwig were now more awake, and started to run around like little maniacs through the airport, looking for soda and candy.

"Soda! Candy!" the boys shouted in unison. The boys ran into a small store, and Gilbert bought 2 cans of soda and 2 Hershey's candy bars: soda and candy for him, and soda and candy for his little brother.

Once Gilbert and Ludwig emerged from the store, they continued running around, and ran right into a Russian family, knocking over 2 of the children.

"Uh, sorry," Ludwig said, scared of the little girl he landed on. The girl had long, blond hair and wore a scary expression on her face.

"Get off me," she said, "or else I'll stab you." The little girl then took out a knife she had in her dress pocket and showed it to Ludwig, who was shaking as he got up off her.

"Natalia," said the oldest daughter, "put that away! Now!"

"Sorry, Katyusha," Natalia said. She put the knife back in her pocket as she stood up and glared at Ludwig, who looked like he was about to cry and ran behind Gilbert.

The middle child-and only boy-of the family went up to the Beilschmidt brothers, his mouth forming into a scary grin.

"You will watch where you're going, da?" the boy said.

Katyusha, who seemed to be the only one of that family who even _bothered_ to try to keep her younger siblings under control, went up to her brother.

"Ivan, stop scaring them," she said. But Ivan didn't listen to her.

Ivan then picked up Gilbert by the front of his shirt and grinned at him, a maniacal look in his eyes.

"You never answered me," said Ivan. "You will watch where you're going, da?"

"Ivan," Katyusha said in a stern voice. "Put him down, Brother."

"Okay, Big Sister," said Ivan, and put Gilbert down on the floor. "Well?" he said to the boy.

"Y-Y-Y-Yeah…y-yeah…w-w-we'll do that…" said Gilbert, his feet shaking in his sneakers.

"Good," said Ivan, still smiling that scary smile of his. He then turned and walked away with his parents and sisters.

"Gilbo, they were scary," Ludwig said, clinging to Gilbert.

"Yeah…" said Gilbert. Then he noticed the luggage carousel.

"Hey, West," he said, pointing to the carousel. "Let's ride on that!"

"Okay, Gilbo!" Ludwig said. He and Gilbert, now very hyper due to their candy and soda, ran over to the luggage carousel, climbed on top of it, and rode around in circles. They had their fun…until Germania, Claus, Elise, and Roderich finally found them after an hour and a half.

"Boys, get off of there!" Germania shouted and pulled his two younger grandsons off the carousel.

"Aw, man!" Gilbert and Ludwig whined, pouting.

"Aw, come on, Dad," said Claus.

"They were just having a little fun," said Elise.

"They were riding with the freaking luggage, Claus!" said Germania.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Ludwig said, rapidly jumping up and down.

"Lui, stop that," said Elise, trying her best to calm her youngest son down. "Please, Lui, please stop jumping. You're making Mommy dizzy. Please, stop."

"Prussia, Prussia, Prussia, Prussia, Prussia, Prussia, PRUSSIAAAAAAAA!" said Gilbert as he ran circles around Roderich.

"Gilbo, please stop running around like that. You're going to make me dizzy," Roderich said while trying to get Gilbert to stop running. "Please, stop this, Gilbo. Please, stop."

"I OWN YOU NOW, AUSTRIA!" Gilbert said, pointing at his cousin.

'_Oh, for the love of God, someone please kill me now,' _Roderich thought as he face palmed.

"_Flight 382 to Munich, now boarding in Terminal 1," _said a female voice over an intercom.

"Come on, guys, we've got to get going," said Germania.

"We can fly, we can fly, we can flyyyyyyyyyyy!" Gilbert and Ludwig said excitedly, imitating "Peter Pan" as they, Germania, Claus, Elise, and Roderich all boarded their flight.

After they boarded the plane and listened to the flight attendant explaining everything, Gilbert and Ludwig were quiet and tired from their misadventure at the airport. Gilbert passed the time by making fun of Roderich's taste in music, while Ludwig read _The Cat in the Hat_.

"You know, Roddy, your music's so dumb," Gilbert said, snickering at his cousin.

"Hey!" said Roderich. "I'll have you know, moron, that classical music's great! Much better than that Rammstein stuff you're always listening to."

"No way!" said Gilbert. "Rammstein's awesome!"

"Oh, no they're not," Roderich said.

"Oh, yes they are," Gilbert retorted.

"Oh, no they're not."

"Oh, yes they are!"

"Please, kids, don't fight," Elise said, turning to her nephew and oldest son.

Just then, three American men got up from the seats in front of Roderich and Germania, and went up to the front of the aisle.

"Attention, people!" said one of the men. "Because the government screwed us over, we are hijacking this plane to Cuba!" He and the other two men then took out guns and pointed them at the passengers.

"Now, be quiet!" said another man. He saw Ludwig hiding behind his book and went over to him.

"You," he said to Ludwig, grabbing the boy's book, "stop reading that book!"

"Gimme my book!" Ludwig whined, about to cry.

"Shut up now!" said the man.

"Hey," said Roderich, "you're going to regret taking his book away like that."

"Oh yeah?" said the man.

"Uh, yeah," said Gilbert. "Give my brother back his book, you big bully!"

"GIMME MY BOOK NOOOOWWWWWWW!" Ludwig yelled, scaring the man who held his book.

"Okay, okay," the man said in a scared voice. He handed Ludwig _The Cat in the Hat_ and then went back up to the front.

"Now," said one of the other men, "we're all going to Cuba, whether you like it or not!"

Poor Beilschmidts. Whenever they wanted to fly somewhere, it almost always ended up turning into a hijacking.

The first time they were hijacked was when Gilbert was just a baby, and they were taken all the way to Siberia.

The second time was when Gilbert was 5 and Ludwig was 1, and they were taken to Cuba.

Now, this time, they were again headed to Cuba, along with the rest of the passengers on Flight 382.

'_Great,' _Roderich thought resting his head on his seat. _'How can things get any worse?'_

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**Author's Note:** In this chapter, Gilbert's 10, Ludwig's 6, and Roderich's 19.

Oh, and just in case anybody didn't get the "Seinfeld" reference, it was when the guys hijacked the plane to Cuba, only in the "Seinfeld" episode, the hijackers were Dominicans.

Please read and review ^_^


	3. Home Zoo or Animal House

**Author's Note:** In this chapter, Gilbert's 12, and Ludwig's 8.

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**Chapter 3: Home Zoo (or Animal House)**

One day, Gilbert was walking home from school with his best friends, Antonio Fernandez Carriedo and Francis Bonnefoy. The three had been best friends since…well, since forever, and they called themselves "The Bad Friends Trio".

Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis were talking about stuff they wanted to pull on a neighbor they didn't like when they heard an injured-sounding squeak coming from a bush.

"What was that?" said Antonio.

"I don't know," said Gilbert. "Come on, let's go check it out."

"I don't wanna, _mon ami_," said Francis. "What if it's a rabid raccoon or something?"

"I'll take my chances," said Gilbert. The youngest of the trio then looked behind the bush and saw an injured squirrel.

"Aw, you're hurt," Gilbert said sympathetically, and, picking up the cute animal, took off his hoodie and wrapped the squirrel in it.

"Uh, Gilbo?" said Antonio. "What is it?"

"It's a squirrel," said Gilbert.

"Put it back!" said Francis.

"No, he's hurt," Gilbert said. "I _can't_ put him back. He's coming home with me."

"Uh, _amigo_, are you sure your family'll be okay with that?" Antonio asked his friend.

"Of course!" said Gilbert. He, Francis, and Antonio were just about to continue on their way when they heard Ludwig and his friends shouting for them to wait up.

"Gilbo!" Ludwig shouted. "Wait for meeeee!" The younger Beilschmidt brother was carrying something in his jacket.

"Francis, Tony, waiiiiiiiit!" shouted Feliciano, catching up to his cousins. His older brother, Lovino, caught up to them soon after.

"Dummy, why didn't you slow down?" the older Vargas brother demanded, his face red with anger. "For that, I'll take your pasta!"

"No, not my pasta!" Feliciano cried and defended his backpack.

"Come on, Lovi, don't pick on Feli," said Francis; Lovino didn't listen to him, though.

"Nobody's taking anyone's pasta," said Antonio. He then noticed Lovino's red face.

"Lovi, you look just like a tomato!" he exclaimed, and hugged Lovino.

"Let go of me, you bastard!" said Lovino.

"Awwwww, Lovi, you're so cuuuute!" Antonio said and continued to hug his struggling cousin.

Gilbert decided to change the subject and turned to his little brother.

"Hey, West, what's that you have in your jacket?" he asked.

"Oh," said Ludwig. "It's a raccoon." He showed Gilbert the animal he had wrapped in his jacket. "He can't walk 'cause he's hurt."

"Well," said Gilbert, "let's bring him home. I'm taking a squirrel home."

"Will Mommy, Daddy, and Grandpa mind?" Ludwig asked.

"They won't mind," Gilbert said. "Come on, let's go home." The Beilschmidt brothers and their friends made their way home, and Gilbert and Ludwig ran into their house.

Once inside, the brothers unwrapped the injured animals, got out a couple of old shoeboxes, and made beds for the animals. Then they took some bandages, cleaned the injured areas, and put the bandages on the animals' injuries. After that, Gilbert and Ludwig placed the squirrel and raccoon in their makeshift beds.

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An hour later, Roderich showed up so he could make sure Gilbert and Ludwig didn't kill each other. Even though he didn't have to watch them, Roderich had been uneasy about leaving Gilbert and Ludwig home alone ever since he and Elizabeta moved into their own apartment.

"Gilbo? Lui?" he called. He saw the boys' bedroom door open and went inside.

"Hey, guys," he said, but then got shushed by his cousins.

"What?" he whispered.

"You'll wake them up," Gilbert said firmly.

"Who?" said Roderich.

"Meeko and Squirrelly," Ludwig said, and indicated the animals in the shoeboxes.

Roderich took a peek inside the shoeboxes and looked at his little cousins in disbelief.

"What in the world possessed you imbeciles to bring home two wild animals?" he said, careful not to wake the animals up.

"They're injured, Roddy," Gilbert said with big puppy eyes.

"Yeah," said Ludwig with the same puppy eyes as Gilbert. "They need us."

"Well, Grandpa and your mom and dad aren't going to be too happy about this," said Roderich.

"They won't mind," said Gilbert.

"Fine," said Roderich. "But once the animals are healed, I think you should let them go."

* * *

Hours later, Germania, Claus, and Elise came home, and Roderich was finally free to go back to spending time with Elizabeta. Elise went into the boys' room and immediately came out of the room, looking confused.

"Uh, Claus?" she said. "There's a squirrel and a raccoon in the boys' room…and they're in little beds."

"What?" said Claus, and went to Gilbert and Ludwig's room. He, too, came out of the room with a confused look.

Germania, seeing his son and daughter-in-law's confused faces, got up and went into the boys' room. He saw the animals and came back out of the room.

"Uh, kids," he said to his grandsons. "What the heck are those animals doing in your room?"

"They're hurt, Grandpa," Gilbert and Ludwig said at the same time, and gave their grandfather big puppy eyes.

"Well, it's not up to me whether or not they can stay," said Germania, and looked at Claus and Elise.

"Pleeeeeaaaase?" the boys pleaded to their parents.

"Well, okay," said Claus. "They can stay."

"But once they're better, they need to go back to the wild, okay?" Elise said.

"Okay," said Gilbert, smiling.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Whew! *wipes forehead* I know I said that the fics were gonna be short, but I just _had_ to put a lot of stuff in this one.

Oh, yeah, in my headcanon, Francis, Antonio, Lovi, and Feli are all cousins ^_^

_Mon ami_- My friend (French)

_Amigo_- Friend (Spanish)


	4. Road Trip, Hospital Visit

**Author's Note:** Okay, we're gonna jump back in time in this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 4: Road Trip, Hospital Visit**

It was summertime, and the Beilschmidts decided one day to take a road trip to Florida for a couple of weeks.

"Can I bring my piano?" asked Roderich.

"No, Roderich, you can't bring your piano," said Germania.

"D'oh!" said Roderich, and stomped away to pack some other things.

Just then, Gilbert and Ludwig came into the living room and started fighting over a Nintendo DS.

"I wanna play with it!" Ludwig shouted at his older brother.

"No, West, it's mine!" yelled Gilbert. "You'll break it."

"Mommyyyyyy!" Ludwig yelled.

Elise came into the room, her hands full with two coolers filled with drinks and other food.

"What is it, Lui?" she asked.

"Gilbo won't let me play his game," Ludwig whined, and gave his mother the big, sad puppy eyes.

"Gilbert Wilhelm Beilschmidt," Elise said in a stern and tired voice, "let your brother play with your game for a bit."

"Oh, okay, here," Gilbert said. He pouted went back to his and Ludwig's room, and came back out with a teddy bear.

"Here, shrimpy, you forgot this," he said, handing his younger brother the bear.

"Thanks, GilGil," said Ludwig.

"Don't call me that, LuLu!" said Gilbert.

Both boys stuck their tongues out at each other.

Just as Gilbert and Ludwig were about to fight again, Claus came out of a room.

"Come on, everyone," he said. "It's time to go."

The Beilschmidts all went to the silver van in their driveway, got in, and were headed to Florida.

* * *

When the Beilschmidts were out of New York and just outside of Virginia, Gilbert became bored with playing with his Nintendo DS and gave it to Ludwig for awhile. He chose to poke fun at his cousin instead.

"Hey, Roddykins," he said.

"Will you stop calling me that?" asked Roderich. "Only Elizabeta's allowed to call me Roddykins."

"Whatever," said Gilbert. "When are you and Lizzie gonna tie the knot?"

"None of your business, nimrod!" said Roderich, giving Gilbert a swat on the head.

"Well, if _you're_ not gonna tie the knot, can _I_ have her?" Gilbert asked innocently.

"No way, moron," said Roderich in an annoyed voice, rolling his eyes.

"Oh, by the way," said Gilbert, now poking Roderich in the back. "Rammstein's better than your music, Roooooodykiiiiiins."

"GilGil," Roderich said through gritted teeth. "Don't call me Roddykins, you imbecile. And classical music doesn't suck. Rammstein does."

"No they don't," said Gilbert.

"Yes, they do," said Roderich. "Rammstein's music sounds so vulgar."

"No, they don't!" said Gilbert. "How _dare _you diss the music of Grandpa's country?"

After a minute of silence, Gilbert leaned forward in his seat and started to sing, just to annoy Roderich.

"_**Wer zu lebseit gut auf erden**_

_**Wird nach dem tod ein engel werden**_

_**Den blick 'gen himmel fragst du dann**_

_**Warum man sie nicht sehen kann-"**_

Gilbert was interrupted by Roderich swatting him on the head.

"Hey!" he yelled. Gilbert then swiped Roderich's glasses from his cousin, and leaned back in his seat, holding the glasses out of Roderich's reach.

"Give those back!" said Roderich, trying to get to Gilbert.

"No way, dummy!" said Gilbert. "You don't need 'em."

"Gilbo, just give Roddy back the glasses," Ludwig said, not wanting to be squished by his brother and cousin.

"Give them back, you twit!" said Roderich. "I look plain without them!"

"Oi!" said Germania, trying to get the kids' attention. But it didn't work.

"Boys, cut it out right now," Elise said in a stern voice.

"I'll turn this car around if you don't stop," said Claus in the same tone as his wife.

"We're sorry," Roderich and Gilbert said, and went back to their seats at the same time. Gilbert gave Roderich back his fake glasses, and Ludwig gave Gilbert back his Nintendo DS to prevent another fight between him and Roderich.

"That's better," said Claus as he drove the family to a hotel for the night.

* * *

One day later, just as they were passing through North Carolina, Gilbert's stomach rumbled.

"I'm hungry, Mommy," he said.

"Gilbert, you moron, you just ate," Roderich said in an annoyed tone.

"But I'm _still _hungry," said Gilbert.

"You're like a bottomless pit," said Roderich, face palming.

"We still have some stuff in the cooler, hon," said Elise.

Claus stopped the van so Gilbert could get something to eat. Gilbert fished around and pulled out a can of Dr. Pepper and a package.

"My sushi!" Gilbert said happily.

"Uh, Gilbo, maybe you shouldn't eat that," said Roderich, looking at the label. "The date says-"

"I'll take my chances," said Gilbert as he opened the package of sushi. "I'm hungry." Gilbert ate the sushi and drank his Dr. Pepper. When he was done, the family got back in the van and continued driving.

3 hours later, Gilbert started complaining about not feeling good.

"My head hurts," he said. "And my stomach hurts. And…and…stop the car!" When his father stopped the car, Gilbert jumped out and threw up.

"We're going to a hospital," Claus said urgently as he helped his son back in the van. He then drove faster until he reached a nearby hospital.

* * *

Hours later, the Beilschmidts were able to see Gilbert.

"Well, will he be okay?" asked Claus.

"He has food poisoning, and a fever, but he'll be fine," said the doctor. "But, your son will have to stay for a couple of days, just to make sure he's well enough to be discharged."

"Thanks," said Claus. He then went back to his family.

The family decided to spend the night in the hospital, due to Elise not wanting to leave Gilbert.

About four hours later, Gilbert woke up with a start.

"Where am I?" he said to himself; he had forgotten he was in the hospital. Then he looked over at the wall of the room he was in and saw a unicorn smiling and staring at him.

"You want me to follow you?" he asked the creature. The unicorn nodded and galloped out of the room.

"Wait!" Gilbert called, running out of the room. "Wait for me, Mr. Unicorn!"

"Uh…Mommy, Daddy," Ludwig said, shaking his parents. "Gilbo ran out of the room."

"What?" Claus and Elise exclaimed. They both ran out of Gilbert's hospital room after their son. Ludwig, Roderich, and Germania followed.

* * *

The Beilschmidts were outside of the hospital, searching for Gilbert.

"Gilbo!" Claus called out. "Where are you?"

"Come out, Gilbo!" said Elise.

"Where are you?" said Roderich.

"I found him!" Ludwig said, pointing to a small, platinum blond-haired figure running around across the highway.

Ludwig and the rest of the family frantically ran across the highway towards the figure.

"Wait, Mr. Unicorn!" said Gilbert, chasing after the creature. "Where are you going?"

Gilbert continued chasing after the unicorn, until be bumped into a police officer who was off duty.

"Hey, kid," he said when he saw Gilbert in his hospital gown. "What are you doing here?" But Gilbert didn't see the policeman as a policeman; instead, he saw the officer as a blue demon.

"GAAAAAHHHHHHH!" Gilbert screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried to get away from the "demon". But it was no use; the "demon" caught Gilbert before he could make it over a fence.

"Help me, Mr. Unicorn, help me!" Gilbert shouted as his "friend" galloped away and out of sight.

"Please, don't eat me!" he cried.

"Gilbo!" Claus and Elise said in relief. They ran up to Gilbert and the policeman, took Gilbert from him, and hugged him tightly.

"Mr. Unicorn abandoned me," said Gilbert as he started to cry uncontrollably. He then looked up at his parents and saw them as elves from "Lord of the Rings".

"Let me go, you elves!" Gilbert cried, struggling to get free of his parents' grip. "Where are Mommy and Daddy?"

"Gilbo, it's us!" said Elise.

"It's Mommy and Daddy, son!" said Claus as he and his wife kept a tighter hold on Gilbert.

But Gilbert didn't hear his dad. Instead, he heard the "Lord of the Rings" elf talking to him.

"We were sent by Mr. Unicorn to save you from the demon," said the "elf".

"Okay," said Gilbert. He then stopped struggling in his parents' arms.

"Thank you so much for catching our son," said Elise.

"What the heck is he doing, running around in the middle of the night in a hospital gown?" asked the officer.

"He ran out of the hospital, so we tried to catch him," said Claus. "We're really sorry about this."

"I'll give you a ride back to the hospital," said the policeman. He led the family to his cruiser and drove them back to the hospital.

Once back inside, the Beilschmidts put a now fast asleep Gilbert back in his bed.

Three days later, the Beilschmidt family was able to continue on their way to their vacation in Florida.

* * *

**Author's Note:** My explanation for Gilbo seeing a unicorn and the policeman as a blue demon: Due to the food poisoning, on top of having a fever, a headache, abdominal pains, and throwing up, Gilbo was also having hallucinations.

The song that Gilbo was singing during the car ride was part of Rammstein's song, "Engel".

Oh, and in this chapter, Gilbert's 9, Ludwig's 5, and Roderich's 17 ½.

Read and review ^_^


	5. Confession and an angry priest

**Author's Note:** Part of this chapter will be loosely based off of the South Park episode where Cartman, Stan, and the other kids went to their first confession and were paranoid about going to Hell. Well, it's just loosely based off of _part _of the episode. This also came out of my head due to having almost passed out twice due to the Florida heat, so I apologize in advance if I offend anyone.

Oh, and in this chapter, Gilbert's 13, and Ludwig's 9.

* * *

**Chapter 5: Confession and an angry priest**

Roderich parked the car in the church parking lot. He got out, closed the door, and went to the back door of the car.

"Gilbo, Lui, come on," he said, tapping on the window. "Time to go in."

"Okay, Roddy," said Ludwig, opening the back door and hopping out of the car. "Gilbo, come on," he said to his older brother, who had tuned Roderich and Ludwig out with a Rammstein CD.

"Gilbo!" Ludwig shouted. "Come on, big brother! Hey! Gilbo, are you listening?"

No response from the teen sitting in the back seat and lost in his own little world.

"Let _me _handle this, Lui," said Roderich. He reached towards Gilbert and took the headphones off his cousin's ears.

"Hey!" Gilbert said, glaring at Roderich. "I was listening to that!"

"Come on, GilGil, it's time to go in," Roderich said in a stern tone.

"Don't call me GilGil," Gilbert said under his breath, through gritted teeth.

As the three cousins entered the church, Roderich turned and looked at them.

"Why didn't you two wear something _nicer _to your first confession than jeans, sneakers, and a T-shirt?" he asked.

"My nice clothes itch," said Ludwig.

"Wait, wait," said Gilbert. "_The awesome me_, wearing _nice _clothes? Are you freaking kidding me?"

Roderich just rolled his eyes as he led the boys to the confessional. Ludwig went in first, while Gilbert sat on a bench and waited his turn.

Gilbert started to sing _Blaze of Glory_ by Bon Jovi to pass the time.

"_**I wake up in the morning**_

_**And I raise my weary head**_

_**I've got an old coat for a pillow**_

_**And the earth was last night's bed-"**_

Just then, Gilbert was interrupted by Roderich.

"So, you know that you have to think about all of your sins and confess them to the priest, right?" Roderich asked his cousin.

"Yes, I know, Roddykins," said Gilbert, annoyed at the 22-year-old looking at him. "My dad told me what to do. Now, let me sing Bon Jovi."

* * *

Inside the confessional, Ludwig sat down on the bench.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned," the younger Beilschmidt brother said. "This is my first confession."

"Tell me your sins, my son," said the priest on the other side of the confessional.

"Well, it all started when I was…..about…..um…..4 ½," said Ludwig, trying very hard to concentrate. "I colored on my cousin Roderich's music report on some composer guy when he was in high school…I don't remember who."

"Well, I'm pretty sure your cousin has forgiven you by now," said the priest.

"And," said Ludwig, "there was this other time when I was 6 when I took my dad's shaving cream, put it all over the bathroom mirror, and wrote my name on it. And there was another time when…"

Ludwig kept on telling the priest every bad thing he did.

* * *

Gilbert was still singing the same song.

"_**When you're brought into this world**_

_**They say you're born in sin**_

_**Well at least they gave me something**_

_**I didn't have to steal or have to win-"**_

Gilbert was, yet again, interrupted by his cousin, only Roderich was playing music on the church organ.

"Roderich, cut it out!" Gilbert yelled.

"Uh, what's wrong, Gilbo?" Roderich asked.

"You made me mess up, dammit!" said Gilbert.

"Oh, sorry," said Roderich as he sat down beside Gilbert. "And don't curse in here."

Gilbert then proceeded to continue singing as his little brother kept confessing.

"_**Well they tell me that I'm wanted**_

_**Yeah, I'm a wanted man**_

_**I'm a colt in a stable**_

_**I'm what Cain was to Abel**_

_**Mister catch me if you can**_

_**I'm going out in a blaze of glory**_

_**Take me now but know the truth**_

_**I'm going out in a blaze of glory**_

_**Lord I never drew first**_

_**But I drew first blood**_

_**I'm no one's son**_

_**Call me young gun"**_

* * *

"And then," said Ludwig, "there was one time when I was 7, when I went into the priest's office and ate his ham and cheese sandwich when he wasn't looking. And then I replaced it with a peanut butter and banana sandwich instead."

By this time, the priest was getting mad.

"Well," the priest said through gritted teeth, "I'm sure that if this priest knew who ate his lunch, he'd forgive you."

* * *

Outside the confessional, minutes later, Gilbert was done with _Blaze of Glory_, and now he was in the process of saying the prayer he was supposed to.

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee," said Gilbert. "Blessed-" He was interrupted by Roderich's playing once again.

"Roderich, dammit!" shouted Gilbert, an angry look on his face. "Quit that freaking playing and let me concentrate, stupid!"

"Hey, don't call me stupid," said Roderich as he swatted Gilbert on the head. "And I told you not to curse in here."

"Whatever," Gilbert said, and started the prayer over.

* * *

"Well," Ludwig said, continuing with his confessions, "last Christmas, I replaced _Away in a Manger _with _Jingle Bell Rock_, and that's why everybody wasn't singing the proper songs."

"Well…I'm sure everybody would forgive you if they knew who did it," the priest said in a short tone. His hands were balled into fists as he resisted the urge to strangle the little boy.

"Oh," said Ludwig, "and last Halloween, for a prank, I TP'd the priest's house."

Just then, the priest reached though the other side of the confessional and strangled Ludwig.

Just as Gilbert was done praying and it was time for him to go in, Ludwig and the priest both broke the confessional; Ludwig was trying to get free of the angry priest, and the priest was still strangling Ludwig.

"What the-?" Roderich asked, confused at what was going on.

"Roddy, help!" Ludwig said. "The priest's gone mad!"

"Uh, Father, please don't strangle my cousin," said Roderich as he got the priest to stop strangling Ludwig. "Uh," he continued, "maybe we should come back some other time?"

"Yeah, maybe," said the angry priest as he glared at Ludwig.

"Okay, guys, come on," said Roderich as he and his cousins left the church. "I'll take you to McDonald's."

The three cousins then got back in the car and drove to McDonald's.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh, just in case no one got the South Park reference, it was when Ludwig got strangled by the priest while in the process of confessing his sins to the priest.

The reason I made Gilbo 13 at his first confession was because I was 12 when I went to mine.

Please read and review ^_^


	6. Boundaries, Girls, and Music Issues

**Author's Note:** Hi, everybody! Sorry I took a little long in updating; I've been busy getting some extra Z's after waiting at school for about 3 ½ hours just to get someone at the financial aid office to talk to me about my tuition lol.

Oh, and I'd like to say thank you to fellow author **The Second Side of Happiness** for suggesting another band for me to use ^^ I listened to Megaherz, and liked it :)

WARNING: Francis being…well, Francis later in this chapter.

Anyway, enjoy reading, everyone ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 6: Boundaries, Girls, and Music Issues**

One day, Gilbert arrived home from school before anyone else.

'_Lucky me,' _the 14-year-old thought happily as he took out his key and unlocked the front door. "Okay, Anna," he called, "it's open. Come on in."

As Gilbert opened the door, he motioned for a girl with long, blond hair and blue eyes to go in, and then he stepped inside himself and closed the door behind him.

The girl in the Beilschmidt house was Anna Liebert. She went to the same school as Gilbert, and they had just started going out.

"Wow, Gilbo," Anna said in amazement as she looked around the living room, "your house is so cool! Much cooler than _my_ house."

"Hey, let's go to my room," said Gilbert. "My squirt brother won't be home for awhile, and I don't think my cousin's coming over today."

"Okay," Anna said, excited to see her boyfriend's room for the first time.

Once the two teens reached Gilbert's room, they sat on Gilbert's bed and shut the door.

"So, Anna," Gilbert said. "Your brother…what's his name…Johan?"

"Yeah," said Anna.

"He's not gonna notice you going home with me, is he?" Gilbert asked nervously, as Johan Liebert, Anna's older twin brother, could be very scary and liked to play with people's minds a lot.

"Nah, he won't know I'm with you," Anna said with a chuckle. "Sometimes, Johan can be a dummy."

"That's good," Gilbert said with a sigh of relief. "Hey, guess what?" he continued.

"What?" asked Anna.

"I got Megaherz' CD!" Gilbert said excitedly, digging out a CD (still in its case) and showing it to Anna.

"Cool!" Anna said, taking the CD in her hands and looking at it.

"Yeah," Gilbert said happily. "My dad got it for me. Roddy hates it, though," he added, laughing a little.

As soon as Gilbert and Anna were about to kiss, they heard the front door slam shut and the sound of someone running up the stairs.

'_Oh, West must be home,' _Gilbert thought, a little annoyed. _'Oh well.'_ He and Anna were, again, about to kiss when, all of a sudden, Ludwig threw open the door and barged right into the room.

"Hi, Gilbo!" Ludwig said. Then he saw Anna and started snickering at his older brother. "Gilbo's got a girlfriend!" the 10-year-old sang, jabbing Gilbert on the forehead with his index finger.

"West, you little insect, get out!" yelled Gilbert as he threw a pillow at his little brother. This caused Ludwig to run out of the room, but not before he stuck his tongue out at Gilbert.

"Sorry about him. Now, where were we?" Gilbert said once he and Anna were left alone again. The teens then started to make out.

To Gilbert's surprise, he heard his cousin, Roderich, downstairs, talking to Ludwig.

"Isn't that your cousin?" Anna asked curiously.

"Yeah," said a surprised Gilbert. "I thought he wasn't coming over today. Oh well."

"Uh, Gilbo, I better get going," said Anna. "My mom's gonna throw a fit if I'm late."

"Gee, your mom sounds strict," said Gilbert as he and Anna stood up.

"Yeah, she is," Anna said.

Gilbert walked Anna to the front door.

"See you tomorrow, Gilbo," Anna said, and smiled at Gilbert.

"See ya, Anna," said Gilbert.

After Anna left, Gilbert went back to his room and plugged in his laptop. He then heard his little yellow bird, Tweety, chirp.

"Aw, Tweety, are you hungry?" said Gilbert, picking up the yellow ball of fluff and petting it. "Here you go," he said as he filled the bird's food dish and put the bird (and the dish) on the bed.

After feeding Tweety, Gilbert logged onto a page and went to his blog. Just as he was in the middle of updating, the door to Gilbert's room swung open, startling Tweety. Roderich stood in the doorway.

"Gilbert, did I hear right when Ludwig told me you threw a pillow at him?" Roderich asked his younger cousin.

"Roderich!" Gilbert exclaimed. "Don't just come barging into my room without knocking, you aristocrat bastard! And you scared Tweety. _Boundaries_, man." Gilbert took a deep breath, rolled his eyes, and nuzzled Tweety in an effort to calm the bird down.

"Did you throw a pillow at your brother or not, GilGil?" Roderich asked in a stern voice. "And don't call me an aristocrat, because _I'm not one_."

"Yes, I did," said Gilbert.

"Well, say you're sorry," said Roderich as he dragged Gilbert downstairs, Tweety on the teen's head.

"'M sorry," Gilbert mumbled, crossing his arms and pouting.

"Say it right!" Roderich said and grabbed Gilbert by the ear.

"Ow ow ow! Okay, okay, I'm sorry!" Gilbert exclaimed. Roderich then let go of his ear.

"Okay," said Ludwig.

* * *

About an hour later, the phone rang, and Roderich got up and answered it.

"Hello?" he said.

"_Hi, Roddy, it's Aunt Elise,"_ said Gilbert and Ludwig's mother.

"Hi, Auntie," said Roderich.

"_Listen, your uncle and I are going to be late," _Elise explained. _"Can you watch the boys until we get home? I don't want them to try and kill each other."_

"Sure," said Roderich.

"_Thank you so much," _Elise said with relief. _"See you guys later."_

"Okay, Auntie," said Roderich. "Bye." After that, Roderich hung up the phone and went back to his cousins, who were watching something violent on TV.

"Don't watch that!" Roderich exclaimed as he snatched the remote from Gilbert and changed it to something else.

"Hey, we were watching that," Gilbert whined as his little bird chirped happily on his head.

"It's too violent for you," said Roderich. "And why isn't that bird in its cage?" he asked, indicating the little yellow ball of fluff perched on Gilbert's head.

"Tweety would've been lonely in there by himself," Gilbert said. "And you worry too much, Roddykins."

"Don't call me that!" Roderich said. "Only Elizabeta can call me that. Got it?"

After half an hour of doing nothing, Gilbert and Ludwig had their friends come over. Ludwig, Kiku, and Feliciano went to play Kiku's video game, _Naruto: Clash of Ninja_. Gilbert, Antonio, and Francis decided to annoy Roderich while the 23-year-old was reading a book.

"Roderich, mon ami," Francis said in a seductive voice, "I want to $%$^%$ you, and (**^*%& you, and (*^&$%$^(^**(^^ you."

"Francis, cut it out," Roderich said to the oldest of the Bad Friends Trio. "You, too, Antonio," he said to the Spaniard, who was standing over him and waving a red cloth in front of his face.

"Buzzkill," Antonio muttered under his breath.

"You know, Roddy," said Gilbert, "my taste in music's better than yours."

"No, it isn't," Roderich said, trying to remain calm. "Megaherz and the other stuff you listen to are vulgar."

"No they're not!" Gilbert said. "Megaherz is awesome, and you better not diss them!"

"They're vulgar, _dummkopf_!" Roderich said in an irritated tone.

Gilbert then decided to sing some of Megaherz' song, _5. M__ärz_.

"_**Siehst du mich,**_

_**Hörst du mich?**_

_**Was hab ich dir getan warum zerstörst du mich?**_

_**Fühlst du mich,**_

_**Spürst du mich?**_

_**Wenn du mich nicht mehr liebst warum berührst du mich?"**_

Gilbert was interrupted by Roderich swatting him on the head, which startled Tweety once again.

"Cut it out, moron!" Roderich said.

"You can't hit me!" Gilbert said. "I'm awesome! And you scared Tweety again."

"Sure you are," Roderich said sarcastically, rolling his eyes as he got back to his book. "And I'm sorry, Tweety," he said to the little bird who made a nest in Gilbert's hair.

It would be 3 hours before Claus, Elise, and Germania would finally come home.

* * *

**Author's Note:** About Gilbert's girlfriend, Anna Liebert…she's from the anime "Monster". And when Anna says Johan's a bit of a dummy sometimes, she's just making fun of him (I know he isn't one at all lol) ^_^

And as for Gilbert's bird: I decided to call the bird Tweety because I thought it would sound cute.

_Dummkopf_- Idiot, stupid, moron (German)

Read and review ^^


	7. Video Store

**Author's Note:** This chapter's going back in time a little, and it's gonna be a parody of the "Amanda Show" sketch of the video store that sells bad rip-offs of movies.

Enjoy ^_^

Oh, and in this chapter, Gilbert's 8 and Ludwig's 4.

* * *

**Chapter 7: Video Store**

Roderich angrily stormed into the video store, Blockblister, not even bothering to hold the door open for Elizabeta, who was trying her best to calm Roderich down and, at the same time, trying to get Gilbert and Ludwig to stop crying.

"Ya-yo!" three people at the counter said in friendly voices. The people at the counter were a teenage boy and girl, and their father.

"Welcome to our video store," said the father.

"How might we be helping you?" asked the girl.

"Boy, am I mad!" Roderich yelled at the people. "I wanted to rent "Harry Potter" for my cousins! But I didn't get "Harry Potter", did I? NOOOOOOOOOO!"

"Roddykins, calm down," Elizabeta said in an effort to calm her raging boyfriend.

"My cousins won't stop crying now because of you people! Ya hear that? You made them upset!" Roderich continued yelling, his eyes now glowing red with anger as he indicated the two young boys.

"I hated it!" said Gilbert.

"Me, too!" Ludwig said as he tried (and failed) to stop crying long enough to talk.

"Oh, but you no ask for "Harry _Potter_," said the girl at the counter.

"Yes, I did, and it was horrid!" said Roderich.

"No, no, no," said the boy. "You rented "Harry _Patter_"."

"No, we didn't," said Elizabeta as she tried to talk to these people _without_ yelling at them. "We wanted "Harry _Potter_"."

"Yes, but this movie better," said the boy behind the counter.

"_Much _better!" the family said.

"Just put the tape in, you asses," Roderich said angrily, throwing the video to the trio behind the counter.

The father put the tape in, and they, Roderich, Elizabeta, Gilbert, and Ludwig watched the horrible "movie".

In the movie, it was clear that the actors were none other than the three people who worked in the store!

"I am the Harry Patter," the boy said. "I go to wizard and witch school."

"And I am the Donald Measly," said the girl. "I am Harry Patter's friend."

"I am the bad guy Moldebore," said the father, appearing out of nowhere. "I am going to kill Harry Patter."

"Watch out for my magic wand, meanie," the boy said, and pointed a ballpoint pen at the father. "Abracadabra." Nothing happened.

"Dad, you drop dead," the girl whispered to the father.

"Oh," the father whispered, and then dropped to the floor, pretending to be dead.

The boy and girl looked at the camera with blank looks until the video was turned off.

"Bravo!" the trio cheered, and clapped. Gilbert and Ludwig cried even harder at going through this….this…._torture _a second time.

"What was that?" Roderich yelled as Vash Zwingli and his little sister, Lili, walked into the store to return a movie; Vash had an angry look on his face, and Lili looked upset.

"That was my daughter, Blippy, and my son, Biscotti," the father said as he put an arm around each of his children.

"That was the worst movie ever!" yelled Roderich.

'_Yikes…angry Roderich,' _Vash thought, and then gulped nervously.

"Big brother, Roderich's scary," Lili said quietly, pulling on Vash's jacket sleeve and looking at her older brother.

"I know," Vash said.

"How might you be paying us?" Blippy asked.

"I'm not paying you!" Roderich exclaimed, the ridicule showing in his voice.

"Ohhhhhhhh," the family said, disappointed.

"Egg?" asked Blippy, and shoved a basket of eggs in front of Roderich and Elizabeta.

Roderich, Elizabeta, and the boys each took an egg and threw them on the floor, the eggs splattering on the floor.

"This time, your eggs," said Elizabeta, glaring at the trio behind the counter.

"Next time, your _faces_," Roderich said angrily through gritted teeth.

"Yeah," Gilbert and Ludwig said at the same time.

As Roderich, Elizabeta, and the kids were about to leave, Roderich turned back to look at the family.

"Harry _Patter_?" he said, confused. Before he could walk out the door, he saw Vash and Lili.

"Uh, Roderich," said Vash, "I thought you, of all people, would care about how much money you guys just wasted, throwing those eggs on the floor."

"Shut up, Vash," Roderich said in an irritated tone as he ushered Elizabeta and the boys out of the store, leaving Vash and Lili to yell at the video store people.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Moldebore is pronounced like "Mold-A-Bore".

Read and review ^_^


	8. Thanksgiving

**Author's Note:** Hiya, everyone! Sorry I didn't update sooner; my mom's laptop doesn't work for an extended period of time right now.

This chapter is a parody of a part of an episode of "The Simpsons", when Bart tries to help Marge with Thanksgiving dinner by making the cranberry sauce.

In this chapter, Gilbert's 15, and Ludwig's 11.

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 8: Thanksgiving**

It was another typical Thanksgiving weekend at the Beilschmidt house. Gilbert, Francis, and Antonio were running around, pulling pranks on random people; Ludwig was hanging out with Kiku and Feliciano, and trying like hell to get Feliciano to stop clinging to him; and the grown-ups were out.

When Gilbert and Ludwig were done doing what they were doing before, they went inside and into the kitchen, where Germania was checking on the turkey. The boys tried finding something they could do to help, but all they managed to do was keep bumping into their grandfather.

"Boys, please, you're in the way," said Germania as he put something in the fridge.

"Can we help?" Ludwig asked.

"Hm…okay," said Germania. "Can you guys do the cranberry sauce?"

"Yeah!" said Gilbert. "Where is it?"

"The can is in the cabinet on the bottom shelf," Germania said, pointing to the cabinet under the counter.

"Here?" asked Gilbert.

"No, the other shelf," said Germania.

"Got it," Ludwig said, pulling out a can of cranberry sauce. "Now what?"

"Open the can," said Germania.

"No problem," said Ludwig. "Where's the can opener?"

"It in the second drawer on the right," said Germania.

"Okay," said Ludwig as he opened two drawers, looking for the can opener.

"No, no, the _other _drawer," said Germania.

"Got it," said Gilbert, and pulled out a can opener from another drawer. He then tried, unsuccessfully, to open the can. "It's broken, Grandpa," he said.

"Grandpa, it's broken," Ludwig said, trying to get Germania's attention.

"Grandpa, it's broken, Grandpa, it's broken, Grandpa, it's broken, Grandpa, it's broken, Grandpa, it's broken…" Gilbert sang.

"I don't think it's broken, Gilbo," Germania said. "Here, let me try." He took the can, opened it, and put it back on the counter. "There you go."

Ludwig gave Gilbert a look that clearly read "Stupid".

"Don't say anything," Gilbert said. "Don't you say anything, you little insect."

"You couldn't even operate a can opener, dummy," Ludwig said.

"Shut up," said Gilbert as he dumped the contents of the can into a bowl. "Ah. Cranberry sauce a la Prussia and West," the teen said.

"Don't call yourself a dead country, Gilbo," said Ludwig.

"Prussia's not dead! It's just invisible!" said Gilbert as he and Ludwig left the kitchen.

"Just stick it in the fridge when you're done, boys," Germania said, thinking Gilbert and Ludwig were still in the kitchen. No answer. "Boys?" he said. The cranberry sauce melted, and Germania sighed as he put it in the fridge himself.

Germania then heard the sounds of his grandsons fighting each other, and also the sound of something crashing to the floor in the living room. The old man sighed as he made his way to the living room to stop Gilbert and Ludwig from fighting, and to pick up whatever had fallen.

* * *

**Read and review ^^**


	9. Nobody's Ready

**Author's Note:** WARNING: This chapter contains Francis being….Francis.

This chapter is loosely based on the "Friends" episode, "The One Where No One's Ready". Oh, and Gilbo's 16, and Lui's 12.

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 9: Nobody's Ready**

Roderich and Elizabeta walked into the Beilschmidt house, dressed in nice clothes for their wedding rehearsal.

"Hey, is everyone ready?" Roderich called. He and Elizabeta's eyes widened in surprise at what they saw as soon as they entered the living room.

Sprawled on the couch were Ludwig and his friends, Feliciano and Kiku; Feliciano was asleep and using Ludwig as his own personal pillow. The Axis (what Lui, Feli and Kiku called themselves for some reason) were all wearing baggy clothes. Sitting in the armchair with his feet propped up on the coffee table and listening to an iPod was Gilbert. He, too, wasn't wearing any nice clothes; instead, he wore a dark blue hoodie, untied sneakers, and jeans, his hair was messy, and he was eating a bowl of cheese balls.

"Guys!" said Roderich, getting the kids' attention.

"Oh, hey Roddy," Ludwig said and waved lazily at his cousin.

"What are you doing here, Roderich-san?" asked Kiku.

"You guys aren't ready?" Elizabeta asked in disbelief, looking at the three 12-year-olds.

"Wait, the rehearsal's today?" Ludwig asked.

"Yes, I told you a hundred times, you imbecile," Roderich said in an annoyed tone and rolled his eyes. "Now, your friends have to go home, and _you _need to get dressed."

"Okay," Ludwig said and pouted. He gently shook Feliciano. "Feli," he said. "Feli, sorry, but you gotta go home now."

"Ve~ But why?" asked Feliciano while he rubbed his eyes.

"Because my cousin said so," said Ludwig.

"Okay," said Feliciano as he got up to leave.

"Bye, Lui-san," said Kiku, and he and Feliciano left.

"Now," said Roderich. "Go to your room and get dressed in _nice clothes_."

"Sure," Ludwig said, and went in his room and closed the door.

Roderich then turned to the teen sitting back in the armchair and, rolling his eyes, took the earphones of the iPod out of Gilbert's ears. "Gilbert, you, too," he said in a stern voice.

"Hey, I was listening to that!" Gilbert whined.

"Get dressed _now_, GilGil," said Roderich. "And brush your hair, too. It's messy."

"But I _am _dressed," protested Gilbert, indicating his hoodie, jeans and sneakers. "And my hair's not messy, it's awesome!"

"My and Lizzie's wedding rehearsal is today, moron," said Roderich. "Now, get dressed in _nice _clothes, not the ones you have on! And yes, your hair's messy, so brush it, for crying out loud!"

"Fine," Gilbert said, and went to his room. Just then, Gilbert's friends, Francis and Antonio came in without even knocking on the door, as if they lived there; and Francis was completely naked

"Hola, guys," said Antonio.

"Ah, Roderich," said Francis. "It's a pity you're getting married soon, because now I can't &^&&% you."

"Francis Bonnefoy!" exclaimed Roderich and Elizabeta. "Put some clothes on!"

"But it's such a joy to be naked," said Francis.

"Francis, _por favor_, put your clothes on," Antonio said, covering his eyes.

"_**It's a naked, naaaked world!"**_ Francis sang and started running around the house…until he bumped into Claus and Elise.

"Oh my God!" said Elise.

"Francis, please, for the love of God, put some clothes on if you're going to be in our house," Claus said.

"What's going on?" asked Germania. Then he saw naked Francis. "Good God, Francis, can't you have the decency to get dressed?"

"Guys, you're going to have to leave," said Roderich.

"Not until we see Gilbo," said Antonio, and took a seat on the couch.

"Out!" said Roderich.

"Okay," Francis and Antonio said and left, scared of Roderich.

Just as Francis and Antonio left, Ludwig came out of his room. He was now dressed in nice clothes, and he plopped down in the armchair, where Gilbert was last sitting.

"Well, at least _you're _ready, Lui," said Roderich.

Gilbert then came out, also dressed in nice clothes, and was about to sit back down in the armchair when he saw it was occupied by his little brother.

"Ah, Gilbo, I'm surprised you actually dressed nicely," Roderich said.

"Shut up," Gilbert said under his breath. Then he went up to Ludwig. "Hey, West," he said. "Get out of my seat."

"I don't see your name on it," Ludwig said in a mocking tone.

"Get out of that chair! I was sitting there!" said Gilbert.

"Make me!" said Ludwig.

"Gilbert, why don't you sit on the couch?" said Claus. "What's the difference?"

Gilbert decided to try and get Ludwig out of the armchair by annoying him. He kept putting his hand in front of Ludwig's face. "Not touching you!" Gilbert said mockingly.

"Stop it, Gilbert," said Ludwig.

"Not touching you! Not touching you!" Gilbert continued.

"Stop it, stupid!" Ludwig shouted, and pushed his big brother away.

Gilbert went back up to Ludwig and again kept on waving his hand in front of the younger boy's face. "Not touching you! Not touching you! Not touching you!" he said over and over.

"Stop it, Gilbert!" Ludwig yelled at his brother, and punched him in the gut.

"I will if you give me back my chair," said Gilbert.

"It's not _your _chair, it's the _family's _chair," said Ludwig.

"It's my fucking chair!" said Gilbert.

"Boys, please, please stop fighting," Elise said, and tried to break up her sons. "And Gilbert," she said to the 16-year-old, "don't curse at your brother."

"Sorry," the boys mumbled.

Gilbert then got back to annoying Ludwig. "I'm not touching you!" he kept on saying and waved his hand in front of Ludwig's face.

Ludwig, having had enough, tried to get back at Gilbert by throwing some dip in Gilbert's direction, but ended up hitting Elise's dress instead.

"Gah!" Elise exclaimed. "My dress."

"Boys, cut it out and behave," Claus said in a stern voice. "Uh, honey," he said to his wife, "why don't you put on another dress, okay?"

"But this is my best one, Claus," said Elise.

Elizabeta noticed the stain on Elise's dress and tried cleaning it off, but it left a bigger stain. "Oh…I am so sorry," she said apologetically.

"It's alright, Lizzie," said Elise.

"Hey, Mom," said Gilbert as he fumbled around for something. "I've got something to cover your dress. Here." He handed Elise a big, red Christmas ribbon.

"Gilbert, you imbecile," said Roderich. "It's not freaking Christmas."

"It's fine, Roddy," Elise told her nephew. She turned to Gilbert and said, "Thanks." Elise went into her and Claus' bedroom and put the ribbon on over the stain. When she came out, Ludwig and Germania had to hold their breath to stifle their laughter.

"Uh…it looks nice, honey," said Claus.

"Thanks, Claus," said Elise.

"Hey, Mom," said Ludwig, "you look like a Christmas present."

"Yeah, but at least the stain's not showing," said Gilbert, glaring at Ludwig.

"Come on, everyone," said Germania. "Let's go."

The family then left the house and was on their way to Roderich and Elizabeta's wedding rehearsal.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Well, now that school's starting again, I might be a little slow in updating. But don't worry, the story will still go on :)


	10. Brain Damaged Horse

**Author's Note:** This chapter is based on a scene from a "Family Guy" episode, when Peter bought a horse.

P.S.: Gilbo's 7, and Lui's 3.

* * *

**Chapter 10: Brain-Damaged Horse**

Claus Beilschmidt walked in the door on a sunny afternoon, and was met by his wife.

"Claus, where have you been?" Elise asked. "You left for the market 6 hours ago. Did you get the beans?"

"Elise, I got something better," said Claus. "You know how you always wanted a real diamond engagement ring?"

"Oh my God!" Elise said happily.

"That's right, I bought a horse!" said Claus, opening the door to reveal a horse with a stupid look on its face.

Just then, Gilbert, Ludwig, Roderich and Germania came in.

"Uncle…" said Roderich, pointing at the horse. "What the heck is that horse doing here?"

"You bought a horse?" Elise asked, the ridicule showing in her voice. "Why the hell-? I didn't even give you that much money!"

"That's what _I _thought, Ellie," said Claus.

* * *

_Flashback._

_Claus was at an auction in Kentucky._

"_Sold, to the gentleman from Brooklyn, New York!" said the auctioneer, banging his gavel on the podium. Claus went up to the stage to get the horse._

_The auctioneer shook Claus' hand and said, "So, what bring you down here, sir?"_

"_I don't know," Claus said with a smile._

_End flashback._

* * *

"Claus, there's something off about that horse," said Elise.

"Well, I've got an eye for animals, Elise," said Claus. "This horse is brain damaged; that's why I got it so cheap."

Just then, the horse banged its head into the wall and fell down.

"Claus, son, I don't think it's wise having a brain damaged horse in the house," said Germania.

"Shut up!" said Claus. "You don't know nothing. About anything."

"This is just like when you were 10 and you brought home that bull," Germania muttered under his breath.

"Whatever, Claus, I don't care," Elise said. "Keep the horse."

"That's better," said Claus. "This family works better when we're unified. You'll see. This horse will be a fine addition to our family." He picked the horse up, but then it urinated all over the carpet!

"You know what?" said Claus. "I don't want him to feel self-conscious. Everybody pee."

"But Daddy, I don't have to-" Gilbert said, but was cut off by his father.

"Everybody pee…now," Claus commanded.

"We're an unusual family," Ludwig said.

* * *

Later that day, the family was sitting down to dinner, and the horse was staring at them.

"Claus, the horse is here," said Elise. "God, it's so creepy, the way it just stares like that. Why doesn't it do something?"

The horse then moved right behind Roderich and sniffed his hair. Gilbert and Ludwig were sitting next to him.

"Uh…the horse is right behind me, isn't it?" Roderich asked nervously.

Gilbert then got an idea. He took out a sugar cube. "Hey, horsey," he said. "Want a sugar cube?"

"Gilbo, don't," Ludwig said.

"Here," Gilbert said, and put the sugar cube on Roderich's head.

Roderich had a disgusted look on his face as the horse put its mouth on the 16-year-old's head and started to lick the sugar cube. "Gah!" he cried. "Get this horse off me!"


	11. A Day at the Beach: Beilschmidt Style!

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone! Sorry about the long wait; school's been keeping me busy since day 1, lol. _And _my teachers gave everyone homework the first week of school, too XP

In this chapter, Gilbo's 17 and Lui's 13.

Well, on to the story! Enjoy :)

* * *

**Chapter 11: A Day at the Beach…Beilschmidt Style!**

Claus pulled the dark blue family car into the only empty space in the beach's parking lot. "Okay, everyone," he said. "Come on, let's…"

"AWESOME!" exclaimed Gilbert, who had jumped out of the car before his father could finish. The older teen then opened the trunk, grabbed his surfboard, and darted towards the ocean. Germania, Claus, Elise, Ludwig, Roderich and Elizabeta then got out of the car and proceeded to follow Gilbert.

"Gilbo, come back here!" Elise called out to her older son.

"What am I going to do with that kid?" Claus mumbled.

"Hey!" Ludwig yelled, running after his older brother. "Wait for meeeee!"

"Gilbo!" shouted Roderich as he ran after his cousins, carrying a pair of water wings. "You forgot your water wings! Gilbo!"

"Roddykins," Elizabeta said in an annoyed tone, "Gilbert doesn't need water wings."

* * *

The rest of the family caught up with Gilbert just as he was about to run into the lukewarm ocean with his surfboard, and Ludwig ran in and splashed, getting water on Gilbert's face and almost in his eyes.

"Mom, Dad! West splashed me!" Gilbert whined and pointed at his little brother.

"Lui, don't splash your brother," Elise said, not paying attention as she helped Claus and Germania set up their stuff on the warm sand.

"Yayyyy!" the younger boy said happily. "The ocean, the ocean, the ocean!"

"Yes, it's the ocean, you imbecile," Roderich said, annoyed. He then turned to Gilbert, who was making his way into the ocean. "Now, Gilbo," he said, "put your water wings on." He struggled with attempting to put the floaties on his cousin, who was trying like hell to get away.

"Roderich!" Gilbert exclaimed as he dropped his surfboard, embarrassed to even be _seen _with the 26-year-old trying to force him to wear the water wings. "I'm 17 fucking years old, idiot! I don't need any fucking water wings!"

"Yes, you do," Roderich said sternly. "Now put them on!"

"Roddykins, please stop," said Elizabeta, and face palmed.

"I'm not fucking 5 years old anymore, cuz," Gilbert said. "I can swim just fine!"

"No you can't," said Roderich. "Not after you nearly drowned 10 years ago."

"Roddy, that was 10 years ago," said Elizabeta while she tried to pull her husband off the teen. "Like Gilbo said, he can swim just fine."

"_Thank you_, Lizzie," Gilbert said. "By the way…when's the baby coming?"

"I already told you, moron," Roderich said in an annoyed tone as he kept on trying to force the water wings on Gilbert's arms, "we just found out. So, not for another 9 months. Got it memorized? Now put your water wings on!"

"Hell no!" said Gilbert. "Mein Gott, I told you, I don't need them! I'm 17, not 5!"

"I almost lost you once, and I'm not going to lose you again!" Roderich yelled at Gilbert, shaking him so hard that it made the poor boy dizzy.

"Roddy, stop shaking him," Ludwig said; he had been watching the altercation between his cousin and big brother.

"Yeah, he's dizzy," said Elizabeta, who now looked as if she was about to puke. "Uh…excuse me…" she said quickly, and then went into a nearby bathroom to throw up.

"Poor Lizzie," said Roderich while still shaking Gilbert. He then noticed that he was still shaking his poor cousin. "Oh…sorry, Gilbo," he said, and let go of Gilbert's shoulders. "I better go tend to Elizabeta. And Gilbo, when Lizzie and I get back, I want to see those water wings on your arms. Got it?" Roderich then went in the direction of his wife in order to help her.

* * *

"Thank God," Gilbert said with relief when Roderich was out of sight. "Now I can go surfing." He picked up his surfboard again and was about to step into the ocean when Ludwig stopped him.

"Gilbo, do as you're told and put the water wings on," Ludwig said, thrusting the water wings in Gilbert's face.

"No way," Gilbert said, and ran off into the water, leaving Ludwig standing on the shore.

Ludwig sighed and said, "What are Mom and Dad gonna do with him?" The younger teen then saw Feliciano, Lovino, and their grandfather, Rome. "Hey, Feli!" he said excitedly, dropping the water wings on the ground and running to meet up with one of his friend.

"Hey, Lui," Feliciano said happily.

"Oh, it's _you_, Potato Macho," said Lovino, who crossed his arms and glared at Ludwig.

"Hi, Lui," said Rome.

Ludwig and Feliciano hung out while the blond waited for Roderich and Elizabeta to come back. The two 13-year-olds saw a couple of girls and went up to try and talk to them…although Feliciano had to pull a really shy Ludwig along with him.

20 minutes later, Roderich and Elizabeta came back from the bathrooms.

"Feeling better?" Roderich asked Elizabeta.

"Yeah," said Elizabeta, still feeling a little flushed.

"Why don't you rest for a while?" Roderich said. He then began talking to Gilbert, who, unknown to him, was out in the ocean, surfing. "Gilbo, I hope you put your-" he said, but then saw that Gilbert and Ludwig were gone. "Uh…Gilbo? Lui? Where are you guys?" Roderich then jumped at the sound of his cousin yelling rather loudly, and saw him surfing…without the water wings on! "Gilbo!" he exclaimed. "Come back here, and put the water wings on!" But Gilbert couldn't hear him from far away, so Roderich gave up and went to go keep Elizabeta company.

* * *

YAAAAAAHOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Gilbert shouted as he, Francis and Antonio had fun surfing.

"Gilbert, watch out for that wave, mon ami," said Francis, pointing to an unusually gigantic tidal wave.

"Yeah, that wave looks huge," said Antonio.

"Aw, come on, guys, the awesome me can handle a really big wave…Oh, shit," Gilbert said. As Francis and Antonio got out of the way, Gilbert had no luck, and was forced off his board and into the water.

As the wave subsided, Francis and Antonio looked around.

"Wow…" said Antonio. "That was some wave, huh?"

"Yeah," said Francis. He then realized something. "Uh…Tony…where's Gilbo?"

"I don't know," said Antonio. "Gilbo! Where are you, amigo?"

"Come on, Gilbo, this isn't funny," Francis said. The both of them saw Gilbert's board floating in the water, but no Gilbert.

"Oh no," Francis and Antonio said at the same time. The both of them grabbed Gilbert's board, swam to shore and ran up to Roderich, who, now along with Ludwig, Feliciano, and Rome (Lovino was lying in the shade), was frantically looking around for Gilbert.

"Roderich!" Antonio yelled. "Gilbo, Francis, and I were surfing, and then a really huge wave came down, and now Gilbert's gone! All we found was his board!" He showed Roderich and the others Gilbert's now wet surfboard.

'_Oh no, not again,' _Roderich thought.

"We've gotta find him!" Ludwig said.

Claus, Elise, and Germania came running up to Roderich and the kids.

"What's going on, guys?" Claus asked, concerned.

"Gilbo's missing!" Ludwig said.

"Oh my God," said Elise.

"Let's go look for him," Germania said urgently.

* * *

As the group shouted and looked for Gilbert, Feliciano looked in the direction of the ocean for a moment and saw Gilbert's platinum blond head bobbing up and down in the water.

"Yaaaaahhhhh!" Feliciano cried and pointed towards the ocean.

"Feli, what is it?" asked Rome.

"Gilbo! I found him," said Feliciano. "He's over there." The Italian pointed to where Gilbert was.

"Gilbo, I'm coming!" Claus said, and swam out in Gilbert's direction. When he finally got a hold of Gilbert, he swam back to shore and carried the unconscious teen to some shade and laid him on the ground.

"Gilbo, please wake up," Ludwig said in a scared voice as he watched his father try to revive his brother.

After 3 minutes, Gilbert finally woke up and coughed the water out of his lungs. When he was able to see more clearly, he saw his friends and family looking at him with relief. "That…that was _not _awesome," he said weakly.

"Gilbo," Roderich said tiredly. "_Now _will you put your water wings on?"

"Hell no," Gilbert said stubbornly as he sat up.

"Maybe you shouldn't go surfing for a bit," Rome said.

"Good idea," said Germania.

The two families then went back to their places on the sand, where they ate and stayed in the shade. Gilbert and Ludwig buried Roderich up to his head in sand.

"Gilbert! Ludwig! Get me out of here, you morons!" Roderich said angrily.

"No way," the boys said, and laughed at their cousin.

Ivan Braginski then came along and sat on Roderich and smiled creepily at him.

Gilbert and Ludwig, who recognized Ivan as the boy who had scared them at the airport 7 years earlier, got scared and cowered behind their mother and father's beach umbrella, hoping Ivan somehow wouldn't see them there.

"GAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" Roderich screamed. "Get off me!"

"Soon, _everyone _will become one with Mother Russia," said Ivan, still smiling that scary smile.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Roderich yelled and struggled under the Russian.

* * *

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	12. Escape From Cuba

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone, Hokuto here! Uh, this chapter's going to be another trip backwards in time, back to the time Gilbo, Lui, and their family were hijacked to Cuba.

Oh, and some other APH characters are going to appear in this chapter: England, America, Canada, Taiwan, Seychelles, and Belgium!

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 12: Escape from Cuba**

'_Great,' _Roderich thought as he leaned his head back on his seat. _'How can things get any worse?'_

Hours later, Flight 382 landed in Cuba, and the frightened and confused passengers were forced out of the plane.

"Alright!" shouted one of the hijackers. "Everybody get over there!" He pointed to a warehouse and herded everyone inside.

"Hey, there's two missing," said another guy. "The kid with the weird eyes and his brother." He meant Gilbert and Ludwig, of course; unknown to anyone else, the kids had quietly run away from the group.

"I'll go get 'em," said the third hijacker, and left the warehouse after the boys.

* * *

"C'mon, West, hurry up!" Gilbert shouted as he and Ludwig ran behind buildings, careful not to let anyone see them.

"I'm trying, Gilbo," Ludwig whined. "Wait for meeee!"

Just then, the brothers stopped in front of a fence.

"Fuck," Gilbert said under his breath.

"Waaahhhhhh!" Ludwig cried. "We're gonna get caught!"

"Don't worry; maybe we can climb up this thing and…" Gilbert said, but was cut off when the third hijacker caught up to them.

"There you are," the man said. He then picked up Gilbert and Ludwig and walked back to the warehouse.

"Put us down!" Gilbert yelled.

"Let us go, you meanie!" Ludwig said.

* * *

"Thank God Gilbo and Lui escaped," Claus said with relief.

Roderich pulled a record player and a classical music record out of nowhere and started to listen to it, when the first hijacker walked over to him and picked the record player up.

"No listening to music in here!" the man said irritably and threw the record player down on the floor, smashing both it and the record on it.

"Hey!" Roderich said in a whiny voice like one character on "Johnny Bravo." "I was listening to that, you…you bad person!"

"Oh yeah, _that'll _make him feel bad," another passenger said sarcastically.

"Maybe the boys can-" Germania said, but was interrupted when the door to the warehouse opened and the third hijacker walked in, carrying Gilbert and Ludwig with him.

'_Shit, they got caught,' _Germania thought.

"My babies!" Elise said as the man threw her sons on the floor and they ran over to her and the rest of the family.

"Mommy, I'm scared," Ludwig said to his mother.

"It's okay, Lui," said Elise. "I won't let those guys hurt you."

"I wanna go home!" Gilbert said and cried.

"Alright, everybody shut up!" the first hijacker shouted as the other two men set up a video camera and put it on a tripod, pointing it at the scared passengers.

"The camera's ready," said one of the other two hijackers.

"Good," said the first hijacker. He then said to the group, "Now, everybody put your hands behind your heads! Now!"

Everyone complied and put their hands behind their heads. Well, everyone except for Gilbert, of course.

"Gilbert, get back here!" Claus said.

"Hey, kid," said one of the men, "do as we say and put your hands behind your head!"

"No way, meanies!" Gilbert said, and kicked the man who yelled at him in the shin.

"You little-" the man who Gilbert kicked said angrily. He picked Gilbert up by the front of his shirt and said, "Get back over there and do as we say!" He then threw the boy back into the crowd. Gilbert ran back to the rest of the family and finally complied.

One of the hijackers then turned on the camera and got out of the way, revealing the hostages sitting against a wall with their hands behind their heads.

Another of the hijackers then got in front of the camera and started talking.

"Attention, United States government!" said the man in front of the camera. "We are the gang Shadowlaw!"

"Oh no, not these guys again," Elise spoke up.

"Yes, it's us again, Ellie," said the man speaking to the camera.

"Shit," said Elise.

* * *

Elizabeta was sitting at home, watching TV while she babysat her 9-year-old younger brother, Jacob, when her brother's favorite program was interrupted by the news.

"Aw, Lizzie, I wanna watch Dragonball Z, not the boring news," Jacob whined, looking up at his big sister.

"Be quiet, Jake," said Elizabeta.

"_Breaking news," _said the announcer. _"Flight 382, which was headed from New York to Munich, was hijacked to Cuba."_

'_Flight…382...?' _Elizabeta thought.

"Hey, Lizzie," Jacob said, "isn't Flight 382 your lame boyfriend's flight?"

"Jake, shut up," said Elizabeta as she listened intently to the news report.

"_The hijackers are making their demands now,"_ the reporter announced.

The station then switched from the announcer to the hijackers' video.

"_Our demands are simple," _said the man in front of the camera. _"All we ask is for our leader, Bison, to be released from prison."_

'_Please be okay, Roddykins, please be okay,' _Elizabeta thought, crossing her fingers.

"Those guys scare me, Lizzie," Jacob said, turning to his sister with big, sad eyes.

"Don't worry, Jake, they can't hurt you," said Elizabeta.

"_Wait!" _said Claus. _"You said that the government screwed you guys over! You-" _He was interrupted by the man in front of the camera.

"Hey, that's your boyfriend's uncle," said Jacob.

Elizabeta was nervously taking a sip of her MUG root beer as she looked at the footage.

"_Shut the hell up!" _said one of the other hijackers.

The man in front of the camera moved slightly, revealing more of the passengers, including the rest of the Beilschmidt family.

"Hey, Lizzie, I see your boyfriend there," Jacob said and pointed at the TV.

Elizabeta saw where Jacob was pointing and nearly choked on her soda.

"_We'll give the government 24 hours to comply," _said the man at the camera. _"If Bison is not released by tomorrow, then we'll kill all these people, one by one, starting with the kids."_

The other two hijackers then went over to the crowd, picked Gilbert, Ludwig, and six other kids (three boys and three girls) up off the floor, and brought them closer to the camera.

"Oh, fuck!" Elizabeta cried. "Not the kids!"

"_Put me down!" _one of the kids yelled. _"I'll beat you up, 'cause I'm the hero!"_ The boy had blond hair with one strand sticking out and blue eyes, and wore a T-shirt with the American flag on the front.

"_Hey, shut up, hero boy," _said the man holding him; he was also holding another boy identical to the one with the hero complex, only this one had purple eyes, wore a red hoodie, and was holding a polar bear cub.

"_You bloody wankers!" _said a teenage boy who had bushy eyebrows, blond hair, and green eyes, and was wearing a Harry Potter shirt. _"Leave Alfred and Matthew alone."_

"_Arthur, this guy's a meanie," _said the boy named Alfred.

"_Hey, maybe we should shave this one's eyebrows," _said the third hijacker.

"_No, not my eyebrows!" _said Arthur, who was now covering his eyebrows.

* * *

After making the demands, the hijackers turned the camera off and spoke to the now scared and angry crowd.

"Stay where you are, or else these kids are gonna die," said one of the men, and pulled a gun on a little girl with black hair in pigtails and brown eyes and was wearing a blue dress.

"Put me down!" the girl in the blue dress said.

"You meanie!" said another one of the kids, an 11-year-old girl with blond hair in a headband, who wore jeans and a T-shirt.

Another girl with long, brown hair with a wild strand sticking out and brown eyes, who was wearing a jumper and white T-shirt, ran up to the men and tried using various styles of martial arts on them, but was picked up by one of them and thrown right at Roderich, knocking the poor guy's glasses off.

"My glasses!" Roderich said.

"Sorry," said the girl, and got off him while Roderich searched for the glasses.

"Let the kids go!" Claus yelled and punched one of the hijackers in the face.

"Ow!" said the man. "You-!" He then punched Claus back, and the two got into a fist fight.

The two other hijackers were busy holding Arthur down, trying to shave his eyebrows.

"Get off our big brother!" Alfred and Matthew said at the same time as the polar bear cub roared angrily.

"Shut up, little brats," said one of the hijackers, advancing towards the twins.

"I don't care about my eyebrows anymore!" Arthur shouted. "Just leave my baby brothers alone, you wankers!"

"Hey!" Gilbert shouted and got the hijackers' attention. "Leave them alone!"

"Yeah, you meanies!" Ludwig said. He then ran over to the men and kicked them both continuously, while Gilbert tackled one of them from behind.

"Hey, get off!" the man whom Gilbert tackled said.

"West, help me here!" Gilbert said.

"Coming, big brother!" said Ludwig, and ran over and helped Gilbert hold the man down.

Alfred, Matthew, and the three girls (named Isabelle, Mei, and Angelique), along with Matthew's bear, then tackled the man holding Arthur down. Arthur was able to get up and help hold the man down on the floor.

"Quick, everyone!" Alfred shouted. "Get outta here, I'm the hero!"

Everyone, except for the rest of the Beilschmidt family and the other kids' parents, ran out of the warehouse.

"Dammit!" yelled one of the men on the ground. "We got thwarted by a bunch of kids!"

"Come on, let's go!" Claus shouted as he and Elise picked up Gilbert and Ludwig and, along with Germania and Roderich, rushed everyone who remained out of the building and back onto the plane.

* * *

On the plane, Alfred climbed into the pilot's seat (the pilot was passed out from all the excitement) and was about to fly the plane, when his father took him out of the seat.

"Aw, Daddy, I wanna fly the plane," Alfred whined as his father took him back to the passengers' seats.

Germania got into the pilot seat, started the plane, and flew it back to the United States.

"Well," said Elise, "so much for our trip to Munich this month, huh?"

"Yeah," Claus said, a little disappointed.

"Aw, I wanted to go," Gilbert whined as Ludwig fell asleep on top of him as if he was a pillow.

"_Why _does this always happen whenever _we _fly?" Roderich asked no one in particular.

"Probably because you're such a priss," Gilbert said and laughed right after.

"That was a rhetorical question, you moron!" Roderich said and tried to strangle Gilbert. Gilbert leaped out of the way, which woke poor Ludwig up out of his sleep.

"You meanies!" Ludwig yelled at his brother and cousin.

"Boys, stop it, please," said Elise as she tried, but failed, to catch Gilbert.

"Guys, cut it out right now," Claus said in a stern voice.

The plane rocked back and forth in the sky as Roderich and Gilbert fought.

Germania came out of the cockpit and said, "Will you guys cut it out? We're gonna crash if you keep doing that."

"Grandpa, who's flying the plane?" Ludwig asked.

"Scheiße!" Germania said, and got back to flying the plane.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Scheiße is pronounced "scheisse".

Oh, and I got Shadowlaw from Street Fighter just for the chapter.

P.S.: Isabelle=Seychelles; Angelique=Belgium; Mei=Taiwan.

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	13. Gilbert Curses and Ludwig Copies Him

**Author's Note:** Part of this chapter references the "You can't say "fuck" in school" scene from the South Park movie.

Gilbo's 6 and Lui's 2.

P.S.: Viktor=Bulgaria and Gabriel=Holland (or Netherlands, whichever you want to call him). Maria=Antonio's mom, Amanda=Francis' mom, Mila=Viktor's mom, and Hanne=Gabriel's mom.

* * *

**Chapter 13: Gilbert Curses**

It was a day just like any other day at Hetalia Elementary School. Gilbert and his friends, Francis and Antonio, were being noisy in class, just like the rest of the kids, until the teacher, Mr. Shu, came in.

"Alright, kids, settle down," said Mr. Shu as he went up to the blackboard. "Let's start the day off with a few new math problems." The teacher then started to write on the board. "What is 5+6?"

Nobody answered.

"Come on children, don't be shy," said Mr. Shu. "Just give it your best shot." He then turned to a kid with dark brown hair who was holding a stuffed panda. The boy had his hand raised. "Yes, Yao?" said Mr. Shu.

"100, aru?" said Yao.

"Okay, now let's get an answer from someone who's not a complete idiot," said Mr. Shu. "Anyone? Come on now, don't be shy."

"I think I know the answer, Monsieur Shu," Francis said, raising his hand.

"'I think I know the answer, Monsieur Shu,'" said Viktor, mimicking Francis.

"Hey, shut up, stupid!" said Francis.

"Hey! Don't call me stupid, you fucking Frenchy!" Viktor yelled back.

"Viktor, did you just say the "F" word?" said Mr. Shu.

"Frenchy?" asked Viktor, obviously confused.

"No, he's talking about fuck!" said Francis. "You can't say "fuck" in school, you fucking pumpkinhead!"

"Francis!" said Mr. Shu.

"Why the fuck not?" said Viktor.

"Viktor!" said Mr. Shu.

"Dude, you just said "fuck" again," said Antonio.

"Antonio!" said Mr. Shu.

"Fuck," said Gabriel.

"Gabriel!" said Mr. Shu.

"What's the big deal? It's not hurting anybody. Fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck," Viktor said as he rolled his eyes at the teacher.

"How would you all like to see the school counselor?" yelled Mr. Shu, and pointed to the door.

"How would _you _like to suck my balls?" Gilbert retorted and stuck his tongue out at Mr. Shu.

The rest of the kids in the classroom gasped.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?" Mr. Shu yelled at the Prussian.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," said Gilbert. He then pulled a megaphone out of his Power Rangers backpack. "Actually, what I said was…*ahem*…_How would you like to suck my balls, Mr. Shu?_"

Mr. Shu stared at Gilbert in anger.

"_Mierda santa_, amigo," said Antonio.

* * *

Later, Gilbert, Francis, Antonio, Viktor, and Gabriel were all sitting in the school counselor's office.

"Now I must say I'm very disappointed in you boys," said Mr. McCoy, who was the counselor. "You should be ashamed of yourselves. I've already called your mothers and-"

"You called _ma maman_?" a now scared Francis said.

"Yes," said Mr. McCoy.

"Oh no, mes amis!" Francis said to Gilbert and Antonio.

"Shit, shit, shit, shitty shit, shiiiiiiit!" said Gabriel.

"Mr. McCoy, can I ask a question?" Viktor spoke up.

"Sure," said Mr. McCoy.

"What's the big fucking deal, bitch?" said Viktor.

"Yeah!" the other four boys said.

"GAH!" said Mr. McCoy. "Now I want to know where you heard this kind of language!"

"Uh…nowhere," said Antonio.

"Uh, we heard them from Monsieur Shu a few times before," said Francis.

"Kids, I seriously doubt that Mr. Shu ever said…" Mr. McCoy paused as he looked at the sheet of paper before him. He then continued, "…_'go fuck a goat, you motherfucking asswipe'."_

The boys all laughed when Mr. McCoy read their words out loud.

"Sweet," said Viktor.

Just then, the boys' mothers came in, Elise carrying little Ludwig.

"Uh-oh," Antonio said nervously.

"Thank you for coming on such short notice," said Mr. McCoy.

"This just isn't like you, Tony," said an angry Maria.

"What did my son say, Mr. McCoy?" asked Amanda. "Did he say the "S" word?"

"No, it was worse than that," said Mr. McCoy.

"The "F" word?" said Amanda.

"Here's just a short list of the things they've been saying," Mr. McCoy said as he handed the mothers a list.

"_Caro Dio_!" said Maria.

"What the hell…?" Elise said while covering Ludwig's eyes so he wouldn't be able to see what was written on the paper, as he could now read a little.

"Mo…ther…fuc…ker…Motherfucker," Ludwig said excitedly, uncovering his eyes and pointing at the obscene word on the paper.

"Lui, no," said Elise. "That's a very, very bad word."

"What's motherfucker?" Ludwig asked. But Elise didn't answer him.

"Francis Edmond Bonnefoy, you will tell Mr. McCoy where you heard all these horrible phrases right now!" said Amanda.

"Uh…." said Francis.

"We can't tell you," said Antonio. "We all took a sacred oath and swore ourselves to secrecy.

"It was Mr. Pancreas, our dads' boss," said Viktor.

"Viktor!" Antonio yelled at the Bulgarian.

"What?" said Viktor. "Fuck you people; I just wanna get outta here."

The five mothers then took their kids home after talking to Mr. McCoy.

* * *

At the Beilschmidt house, Ludwig was still cursing.

"Motherfucker!" the 2-year-old said, pointing to his grandfather. "Go fuck a goat."

"What the-?" Germania said, very surprised. "Ellie, where did Lui hear this?"

"At Gilbert's school," said Elise. "Lui, no cookies before dinner, honey."

"I want a cookie now, motherfucker!" Ludwig now said to his mother in a whiny voice.

"Lui, stop saying that," said Elise. "I told you that's a bad word."

"Gilbert, you're in soooo much trouble," Roderich said while playing the piano in the den.

"Shut the hell up, Roderich!" shouted Gilbert. "Go fuck a goat!"

"Auntie, Gilbert's cursing again!" Roderich called to Elise.

"Why don't you go fuck your piano, too, you _scheißekopf_?" Gilbert said to his cousin.

"Auntie!" Roderich yelled again.

"Gilbert Wilhelm Beilschmidt, if you don't stop, no cartoons tonight!" Elise said to her oldest son.

"Sorry," Gilbert mumbled.

* * *

Later that day, Claus came in through the door, and Gilbert and Ludwig ran up to him, and Roderich came out from playing his piano.

"Hi, Daddy!" Gilbert said happily.

"Hey, Uncle," said Roderich.

"Hi, motherfucker," Ludwig said in the same happy tone as Gilbert when Claus picked him up.

"L…Lui…" Claus said in astonishment. "Where did you hear that?"

"From Gilbert and his friends at their school, who heard it from your boss the last time you took Gilbo to work with you," Elise said, her hands on her hips.

"Mr. Pancreas?" Claus said. "Ah, geez."

"Mr. Pancreas should go fuck a goat," Gilbert said.

"Gilbert!" said Elise. "Stop saying that."

"'M sorry, Mommy," Gilbert said quietly.

"Claus," said Elise, "if you don't talk to Mr. Pancreas about his language tomorrow, I will personally go down to where you work, and I will kick that man's sorry butt."

"Okay, okay, I'll talk to him tomorrow," Claus said, not wanting tomorrow to end with his wife kicking his boss' butt, which would get Elise-and him-in trouble.

* * *

**Author's Note:** _Mierda santa- _Holy shit (Spanish)

_ma maman- _my mom (French)

_Caro Dio! - _Dear God! (Italian)

_scheißekopf- _shithead (German)


	14. Sale Turned Robbery

**Author's Note:** If anyone knows the "Friends" episode where Joey and Chandler try selling their entertainment center, only for their apartment to get robbed, then you'll get the reference in this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 14: Sale Turned Robbery**

It was January 21, and 18-year-old Gilbert stood in the middle of the living room, looking with wide, disappointed eyes at the piece of paper he held in his hands.

"Gilbo, what's wrong?" Ludwig asked his older brother.

"Yeah, tell us," said Elizabeta.

"I…." Gilbert said.

"You what?" asked Roderich, now trying to get his and Elizabeta's 1-year-old daughter, Hannah, to stop pulling on the hair that stuck up on the top of his head. "Ow! Hannah, honey, stop pulling Daddy's hair, please," he pleaded with the little girl.

"I…I was denied financial aid," Gilbert said and looked up at his brother, cousin, and cousin-in-law.

"What?" Elizabeta said in a shocked voice as she took Hannah from Roderich and gave her something else to pull on.

"Thanks, Lizzie," said Roderich. He then turned to speak to Gilbert. "How can that be? I got aid when I went to college."

"I…I don't know," said Gilbert. He then sank down on the couch beside the 14-year-old already seated there. "Oh, man, I can't go to college now because of this stupid letter," he groaned.

"Hey, it's alright, Gilbo," said Ludwig. "We'll find a way."

Roderich got up and went towards his old room so he could get something else for Hannah, who was now trying to pull on Elizabeta's hair (Hannah really loved pulling people's hair), he was blocked from opening the door by none other than a rather large—and long —entertainment center.

"Maybe we should sell _this_ piece of junk," Roderich said to the three still seated in the living room.

"No, not the Unit!" Ludwig exclaimed and went in front of the center, spreading his arms protectively.

"Lui…" said a now frustrated Roderich. "This…_thing_…obstructs the pathway to my old room. It needs to be removed now."

"Nein, nein, nein, nein, nein!" Ludwig said, stomping his feet in protest.

"You are just…" Roderich said, and then went up to Gilbert. "Hey, cousin," he said. "Let me see that paper."

"Here," Gilbert said sadly.

"Dada," said Hannah, her eyes following Roderich as he went into the kitchen.

"What are you doing?" Elizabeta called to her husband. "Ow. Sweetie, please stop pulling Mommy's hair," she said to her daughter.

"I'm calling the people who sent this letter," Roderich called back from the kitchen. He then dialed the number to the federal aid office and waited.

10 minutes later, someone finally spoke to him.

"_Hello, this is William at the Federal Student Aid Office," _said the voice on the other end. _"How may I help you?"_

"Hello…William, was it?" said Roderich. "This is Roderich Edelstein."

"_What can I do for you today, Mr. Edelstein?" _asked William.

"Well," said Roderich. "my cousin, Gilbert Beilschmidt, showed me this letter he got from you. It says that he was denied aid, even though he meets the criteria for said aid. Now why is that?"

"_To be perfectly blunt, Mr. Edelstein, we've heard about the Beilschmidt family," _William said seriously. _"And, quite frankly, we just don't like the Beilschmidts."_

"Why not?" Roderich asked. "When I went to college, you guys gave me financial aid, and I'm their nephew!"

"_Well…" _William said, a little hesitant. He then continued, _"Well, it's because of the family's…..history."_

"Oh, this is all about my aunt Elise's little drug thing in the past, isn't it?" Roderich said angrily.

"_Uh, well, yes, as a matter of fact," _said William.

"You legally can't do this, you know," said Roderich.

"_I'm sorry, but a judge has decreed that we can," _said William. _"And he __specifically__ said to do this to the Beilschmidt family first."_

"What the fuck?" Roderich yelled into the phone. "Wait…the judge…he wouldn't happen to be the one who ordered my aunt to go to rehab for two months 14 years ago, would he?"

"_Actually, yes," _said William.

"Just give my cousin aid so he can go to college!" Roderich said. "Don't listen to that asshole!"

"_I'd really like to, but…" _said William. He sounded nervous now.

"But what?" asked Roderich.

"_But I'd get fired from my job," _said William.

"Fine, fine," said Roderich. "Good day." He then slammed the phone back on its hook and stormed out of the kitchen.

"Roddy…" said Elizabeta. "What happened?"

"They told me they can't give Gilbo any aid," said an angry Roderich.

"But why?" asked Ludwig.

"Yeah, why?" asked Gilbert.

"It's because some judge told them to do it because he doesn't like the family," said Roderich.

"So they take it out on the kids?" said a now angry Elizabeta.

"Yeah, pretty much," said Roderich. "Now, we need to sell that infernal thing," he continued, gesturing towards the Unit.

"Okay," said Ludwig.

* * *

A few days later, Ludwig was left home alone, waiting for a potential buyer to come for the Unit. Gilbert had gone out with his girlfriend, Anna Liebert, and Roderich had gone with Elizabeta to pick up their daughter from day care.

A couple minutes later, the man who had called about the Unit came into the house.

"Uh, hi," said Ludwig.

"Yeah, I called about the Unit," the man said.

"Oh, okay," said Ludwig. He led the man into the living room, where the Unit stood bare, blocking the way to Roderich's old room. "This is the Unit."

"Okay, so how much?" the man asked.

"Uh, let's see…" Ludwig said, trying hard to think. "Um…my cousin said about, I don't know, $20,000?"

"So, would this be big enough for my use?" asked the man.

"Yeah," said Ludwig. "It's even big enough for a human being to crawl into."

"Oh, ha-ha, I doubt that, kid," said the man.

"No, it's true," Ludwig said. _'Geez, Roddy's counting on me to sell this thing today,' _the teenager thought nervously.

"10 bucks says that's a load of crap," the man said, crossing his arms.

"I'll tell you what," said Ludwig. "I'll crawl in myself, and if I don't fit, then I'll give this thing to you for half price. 'Kay?"

"Deal," said the man.

Ludwig then successfully crawled into the Unit and closed the door. "See?" he said. "Okay, give me my 10 bucks."

What Ludwig didn't know was that the man had already locked him inside by placing Gilbert's hockey stick in front of the door, locking the boy in.

"Hey, a quarter!" Ludwig said happily from inside the Unit.

* * *

Two hours later, Roderich and Elizabeta entered the Beilschmidt house with their daughter, and Gilbert and Anna came in soon after. All of them were surprised to see all the furniture of the living room gone, save for the Unit, which had Gilbert's hockey stick acting as a lock.

"Hello?" Ludwig called out. "Can you let me out now?"

"Lui!" Roderich said, taking Gilbert's hockey stick off the Unit's doors. Ludwig then got out. "What were you doing in there?"

"West, are you alright, little bro?" Gilbert said.

"I'm fine, Gilbo," said Ludwig. He then looked around the room. "Aw, he promised he wouldn't take the chairs!" he whined.

"I'll ask you again," said Roderich. "What. The. Hell. Happened?"

"I was making a sale like you told me to," said Ludwig. "But then the guy and I made a bet that I wouldn't be able to fit in the Unit. So I got inside and proved him wrong, and he was supposed to give me 10 bucks."

"This is bad, Gilbo," said Anna.

"Yeah, it is," Gilbert said.

"You know what I'm gonna do when I find that guy?" a now angry Ludwig said.

"Bend over?" yelled Roderich.

"I'm calling the cops," said Elizabeta. "Ouch, Hannah, please stop pulling Mommy's hair," she said to the 1-year-old in her arms.

"Oh man," Gilbert said.

"What's wrong?" asked Anna.

"My parents are gonna be home later," said Gilbert.

"Oh no!" said Ludwig. "I'm screwed, I'm screwed, I'm so screeeeeeewwwwwwwwed. Waaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** I know that the denying-someone-financial-aid-because-of-their-family thing would never, in a million years, happen, but I just had to pop that in there for some reason.

Hope y'all liked it ^_^


	15. Roderich's Accident

**Author's Note:** Hiya, everyone! Sorry I took so long in updating; my teachers had me bogged down with homework, and then I have International Club and Anime Club on Fridays, both of which are really fun ^_^

*ahem* Anywho, enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 15: Roderich's Accident**

Roderich was sitting in the den of his and Elizabeta's house, playing the piano. Just as he was going to play another piece, Hannah wandered up to him.

"Daddy!" Hannah said happily. "Up, up!" The 2-year-old held her arms out and stood on tiptoe.

"Okay, Hannah," said Roderich as he picked Hannah up and placed her on his lap. _'Where are Gilbo and Lui?' _he thought. _'They're supposed to watch Hannah today.'_

Hannah then started banging on the piano keys.

"Hannah, sweetie, that's not how you do it," said Roderich, and he started to show his daughter how to play.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gilbert and Ludwig were sitting in traffic, waiting for the huge line of cars to start moving.

"Come on!" Gilbert shouted. "The light's green, you morons!" The annoyed 19-year-old in the driver seat beeped the horn rather loudly at the other drivers while poor Ludwig covered his ears.

"Gilbo, stop that," the 15-year-old pleaded with his big brother. "Do you want me to go deaf or something?"

"Oh…sorry, West," Gilbert said, embarrassed.

"Come on, you assholes, move it already!" Ludwig shouted. He then shouted curse words in German at the people in front of them.

"Yeah, we have to get to our cousin's house, you numbnuts!" shouted Gilbert.

"Ugh," said Ludwig. "When's this line gonna move already?"

* * *

Two hours later, back at the Edelstein house, Roderich was still showing Hannah how to play the piano—_'Never too early to learn,' _he always thought—when the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," Elizabeta called from another room. She went to the door, and saw Gilbert and Ludwig standing on the porch.

"Hey, guys," she said. "Come in."

"Thanks, Lizzie," said Ludwig. He took off his shoes, while Gilbert didn't even bother to.

"Gilbo, take your shoes off…and don't put your feet on the table either," Ludwig scolded his older brother.

"No way," said Gilbert.

"You're hopeless," said Ludwig, rolling his eyes.

"Yeah, well, you're un-awesome," Gilbert retorted and stuck his tongue out.

Roderich came out of the den, Hannah in his arms. He then put the toddler down, and she happily ran to Gilbert and Ludwig. "You're late," he said to the teens.

"Giwbo, Woo wee," said Hannah; being only 2, she couldn't pronounce her "R"'s and "L"'s yet.

"Hey, Hannah," said Gilbert. "The awesome me is here to save you from that boring aristocrat over there." He indicated Roderich, who was right near him.

"I'm right here, you know," said Roderich.

"Gilbert, don't call our cousin an aristocrat," said Ludwig.

"Uh, anyway, boys," said Elizabeta, "Roddy and I are going to be busy this afternoon, so we need you to watch Hannah for a couple hours.

"Sure," said Gilbert. "We'll watch little Hannah…and I'll teach her how to be awesome, just like the awesome me!"

"Gilbo, just shut up," Ludwig said to himself.

* * *

Later, Elizabeta decided to go shopping. Hannah ran into the den, where Roderich was, and smiled when she saw her father at the piano.

"Daddy, Daddy!" she exclaimed happily. "Pway, pway!" The little girl jumped up and down in an excited manner.

"No, Hannah, don't bother me," said Roderich in an irritated tone. "Why don't you go bother my cousins or something."

Hannah, her feelings now hurt at what Roderich just said, cried and ran off. "Giwbo, Woo wee!" she yelled, running back to Gilbert and Ludwig.

"Oh, geez," Roderich said to himself. "Hannah, I'm sorry, honey," he called to his daughter. He got up and went out of the den to try and find Hannah.

Meanwhile, Gilbert and Ludwig were watching "Inglorious Basterds", when they saw the part where Donnie Donowitz (a.k.a. "The Bear Jew") beat a German soldier with his baseball bat.

"Awesome!" Gilbert exclaimed triumphantly, clapping his hands while Ludwig just sat there with a smile on his face.

Just then, Hannah came running in, tears leaking out of her eyes. "Giwbo, Woo wee," she said.

"Aw, Hannah, what's wrong?" said Ludwig.

"Was Daddy mean to you?" said Gilbert.

Hannah nodded.

"I've got it," said Gilbert. "Let's take her to McDonald's."

"Okay," said Ludwig. He then got his shoes back on, turned the TV off, left a note for Roderich and Elizabeta, and followed Gilbert and Hannah out the door.

* * *

Right after Gilbert and Ludwig left with Hannah, Roderich ran into the living room, which was empty.

"Hannah?" Roderich called out. "Where are you, honey? Daddy's sorry. Hannah?"

After a minute, Roderich decided to check the backyard, thinking that maybe his cousins took Hannah outside.

Once outside, Roderich called for his cousins and daughter again. "Gilbo? Lui? Hannah? Where are you guys? Come out, plea—"

Roderich was interrupted when he tripped over the hose.

"Hannah, Daddy's sorry-GAH!" Roderich said as he tripped over everything from blades of grass, to fallen leaves, to pine needles on the ground, to the occasional grasshopper, and even ants!

Roderich then fell down on the ground after tripping over his own feet. Then he saw a snake peacefully slithering in the grass, got scared, jumped up, and ran in the house, screaming at the top of his lungs.

Once poor Roderich was inside, he stopped to catch his breath and shakily went to the kitchen to get a drink, where he saw a note on the fridge.

The note read:

"_Roddy,_

_Gilbo and I took Hannah to McDonald's. Be back soon._

_Lui"_

Roderich breathed a sigh of relief after reading the note, glad that he didn't have to report three missing kids (in his mind, Gilbert was _still _a kid).

Later, Gilbert, Ludwig and Hannah came home from McDonald's, and Hannah had a very big smile on her face again.

"Daddy, Daddy!" Hannah said excitedly; she was hyper from eating some cake, along with her fries and nuggets.

"Hannah, Daddy's really sorry," said Roderich. "I'll never be mean to you again." He then turned to Gilbert and Ludwig. "Why is she hyper?" he asked.

"Oh, we also got her a big piece of chocolate cake with chocolate frosting," said Gilbert. "It was my awesome idea."

* * *

Later, Elizabeta came home from getting dinner, and little Hannah kept Roderich up all night due to being very, very hyper.

'_Gilbert, Ludwig, I curse you both,' _Roderich thought as he tried to get Hannah to stop jumping up and down on her bed.

* * *

**Read and review ^_^**


	16. Driving Lesson Gone Wrong!

**Author's Note: **Hey, everyone! I hope you all enjoy this chapter.

This chapter is mostly centered around Lui and his and Gilbo's dad ^_^

Oh, by the way, Lui's 16 and Gilbo's 20.

* * *

**Chapter 16: The Driving Misadventure of Claus and Lui!**

One day, after school, Ludwig walked through the door of the Beilschmidt house, went to the living room, and plopped down on the couch, not even taking his shoes off.

Gilbert, who had come home from college to visit, walked into the room with a soda and saw his little brother lying on the couch, clearly bothered by something.

"West?" he said, sitting on one of the arms of the couch. "What's wrong, baby bro?"

"I need a car…badly," Ludwig mumbled.

"…" Gilbert, who could usually make Ludwig feel at least a _little_ better, didn't know what to say to that. "The awesome me can teach ya," he finally said proudly.

Ludwig sat up, stiff as a board, when Gilbert said this. "Uh…no thanks, bro," he said rather quickly and waved his hands back and forth.

"Suit yourself," said Gilbert. He then got up and left the room.

Later that day, when Claus and Elise were home, Ludwig ran up to them.

"Mom, Dad," the teen said desperately, "one of you _has _to teach me how to drive! I need a car _soon_!"

"Well, I'm busy tomorrow," said Elise. "Maybe your father can teach you."

"Dad, please," Ludwig pleaded and got down on his hands and knees. "I'll never get a girl if I can't drive a car, and then I'll end up alone for the rest of my life!"

"Lui, stand up," said Claus. "Who told you that, son?"

"Jet Solo told me," Ludwig said. "He made fun of me during lunch, and all these girls were hanging on him and following him around. You've gotta teach me to drive, please, please!"

"Okay, okay, Lui, calm down," said Claus. "I'll teach you this weekend, okay?"

"Thanks, Dad!" Ludwig said excitedly and then ran to his room.

* * *

That Saturday, Ludwig waited anxiously for his father to get home from work.

"Ludwig," said Roderich, Hannah by his side, "why are you sitting on the ground?"

"Dad's gonna teach me how to drive so I can get girls to like me better than Jet Solo," Ludwig replied.

"I wanna drive, Daddy!" Hannah said out of the blue and looked up at Roderich.

"Uh…" Roderich said. "Hannah, honey, you're too little to drive."

"I'll teach her!" Gilbert said excitedly.

"Hell no," said Roderich. "_You_, of all people, aren't giving my daughter driving lessons, Gilbert."

"Stick in the mud," Gilbert mumbled as he walked away.

When Claus pulled up in the driveway, Ludwig jumped up with excitement.

"Dad, Dad, today's the day!" said Ludwig.

"Okay, get behind the wheel, Lui," said Claus.

"'Kay," said Ludwig. He got behind the wheel, closed the door and put his seatbelt on as he impatiently waited for Claus to get in the car.

"See you guys later," Claus called. He then got in the front passenger seat and instructed Ludwig on what to do when starting the car, backing out, and driving somewhere.

Later on, it was getting dark. Claus and Ludwig had driven pretty far by this point, and they saw how late it was.

"Okay, Lui, let's call it a night," Claus said to his youngest son. "Why don't we head back home? The rest of the family's waiting."

"Okay," Ludwig said, and turned around. He then drove in a different direction.

* * *

Hours later, Claus and Lui realized that the direction they took wasn't the way home!

"Dad…" Ludwig said worriedly. "I think we're lost."

"Yeah, I think you're right," Claus said as he looked out the window at the scenery.

"Well, what do we do?" asked a scared Ludwig.

"Don't worry, son. We'll think of something," Claus reassured the teen. "Let's just pull up over here and call your mother. She'll know what to do."

"Okay," said Ludwig as he pulled the car up to the side of the road.

"Stay in the car while I call the house, okay?" said Claus.

"Sure," Ludwig said and looked out both the driver and passenger windows. _'Geez, it's kind of scary here,' _he thought nervously. _'Dad, hurry up, please.'_

Minutes later, Claus got done talking with Elise on the phone. He then walked over to the driver side of the car and tapped on the window.

"Hey, Lui," he said. "Why don't you let me drive us home? Your mother gave us directions from here to the house."

"Okay," Ludwig said. He then got into the back seat of the car, while Claus got behind the wheel.

Just as Claus started the car, a man dressed in black opened the back door, got in, and slammed the door shut. He then pulled out a gun.

"Start driving," the man commanded.

"Get out of my car," said an angry (and nervous) Claus.

"I said, 'Start driving'," the man said again. "Or else." He then cocked the gun and pointed it at poor Ludwig.

"Dad…" Ludwig said.

"Leave my son alone!" Claus shouted.

"Start driving right now," the man said. He still had the gun to Ludwig's head.

"Okay," said Claus and then started driving. "Where?"

"Mexico," said the dark clad man. "And don't try calling the police," he added, seeing Claus reach for his phone. "You wouldn't want anything to happen to the boy, would you?"

(Well, when you're a Beilschmidt, things like this are bound to happen sooner or later, right?)

"Dad, don't!" Ludwig yelled as Claus continued on the route to the Mexican border. He was now shaking with fear, his fists clenched as he felt the gun pressed against the side of his head.

Claus' cell then rang.

"Pick it up," the man sneered as he grabbed Ludwig's right arm. "Now!"

"Let go," Ludwig said.

"You shut your mouth, brat," the man said, and hit Ludwig on the head with the butt of his gun.

"Don't you hit my son," Claus said angrily as he stopped the car. "Hello?" he said to whoever was on the other end of the phone.

"_Claus?" _said Elise. _"It's getting late. Where are you guys?"_

"Can't talk right now, Ellie," Claus said in a scared voice.

"Keep driving!" the man shouted. "Or else your son dies!"

"Dad, help me," Ludwig said as the man put his hand on the door, ready to bolt and take the poor boy with him.

"_Claus, who's with you and Lui?" _Elise asked in a worried voice. She didn't like the sound of what was going on.

"Ellie, listen," Claus whispered urgently.

"I haven't got all night!" the man yelled at Claus.

"Dad!" Ludwig said.

"I need you to call the police right now," Claus continued.

"That's it, I'm out of here," the man said angrily, opening the door. He was now in the process of trying to drag poor Ludwig out of the car.

"Dad, make him let me go!" Ludwig cried.

"_Oh my God, what's going on?" _Elise said.

"Ellie, just call the cops," Claus said, still whispering so the man wouldn't hear him. "We're in Kentucky now!"

"_Okay," _a still worried Elise replied.

After hanging up, Claus saw the man still trying to drag his screaming son out of the car…probably to kill him!

"Let me go!" Ludwig shouted, and then bit the guy.

"You insolent little—" the man said, still angry as he grabbed the teen by his hair and successfully dragged him out of the car.

"Leave my son alone!" Claus shouted. "I'll drive you wherever you want!"

"Good, then get back in the car," the man said as he forced Ludwig back in the back seat and climbed back in himself. He put the gun to Ludwig's head as Claus started to drive.

Just as they were almost at the Kentucky state limit, several police cars showed up.

"This is the police," one of the officers said into a megaphone. "Come out with your hands up."

"You called the cops?" the man yelled. "I told you what would happen if you did that!"

"You better not hurt—!" Claus started to say.

"GAH!" Ludwig cried out in pain as he was shot in the arm. "Dad…it hurts…" he said.

"Lui!" Claus said.

"That was nothing compared to what I'll do next," the man said, but he never got the chance.

Just then, several officers went to the back of the car, got Claus and Ludwig out, and then arrested the man; turned out he was an escaped killer who was on the run.

* * *

After Claus and Ludwig were taken to the hospital, they headed home to New York, where they were happy to see Germania, Elise, Gilbert, Roderich, Elizabeta and Hannah.

Gilbert, upon seeing Ludwig's arm in a sling, went up to his brother and gave him a noogie.

"Gilbert, stop it!" Ludwig said, but he really didn't mind this time.

"Hey, you should tell lame Roddykins to stop playing his lame Choppin' music," Gilbert said. Looking at Ludwig's cast, he continued, "Hey, maybe you can get girls to like you with that cast, eh?"

"Shut up," Ludwig mumbled, embarrassed that his big brother would even say that.

"See? I should've taught you how to drive," Gilbert said again.

"Gil…bert," a now irritated Ludwig said. "Shut up before I murder you."

"Okay, okay, West," Gilbert said nervously. Ludwig could be scary sometimes, seriously.

* * *

**Author's Note:** *Whew!* I had this idea in my head for a while, and I'm glad I got it down on paper.

Um…if anyone has any ideas for a new chapter, let me know, 'kay? ^_^

**Read and Review ^_^**


	17. Toddler Locked Out, Baby Locked In

**Author's Note:** This chapter is a parody of the "Friends" episode, "The One with Phoebe's Birthday Dinner".

P.S.: This chapter also features a 4-year-old Gilbo and a little baby Lui!

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 17: Toddler Locked Out, Baby Locked In**

Claus and Elise had just come home from a night at a nice restaurant. They got out of the car, and as they went towards the house, they saw Gilbert standing outside in his footed pajamas.

"Gilbo, what are you doing outside, honey?" Elise asked.

"I went outside for a second to play with Francis and Tony, and then they went back home, and I can't open the door," Gilbert answered his mother.

"Oh no," Elise said worriedly. She tried opening the door, but it was locked. "Claus, the door's locked!"

"Where's Grandpa?" Claus asked Gilbert.

"He went to help Rome get Lovi to stop headbutting Tony," said Gilbert.

"Maybe my sister can let us in," Claus said, and then walked away. Nobody answered at the Edelstein's house, so he tried Rome's house.

A few minutes later, Claus came back from making calls and told his wife, "Okay, well, my sister and her husband aren't home right now."

"No!" said Elise.

"Oh-oh, wait, my dad'll be here any minute," Claus said hopefully. "And he has the keys."

"Alright, I can't, I can't wait that long!" Elise said nervously. "You have to do something…knock that door down!"

"I would, but I bruise like a peach," said Claus. "Besides, you know, everything's gonna be fine. Lui's sleeping."

"Yeah, Mommy," said Gilbert.

"What if he jumped out of the basinet?" Elise asked, still very nervous.

"Can't hold his own head up, but yeah, jump out," Claus said sarcastically.

"Oh my God, I left the water running," said Elise.

"No, Ellie, you did not leave the water running," said Claus. "Please, just pull yourself together, okay?"

"Mommy, calm down," said Gilbert.

"Ah, did I leave the stove on?" asked Elise.

"No," said Gilbert.

"You haven't cooked since 1983," Claus said in an annoyed tone.

"Is the window open?" Elise asked nervously. "Because if there's a window open, a bird could fly in there."

"Chill out, Mommy," said Gilbert, getting scared of Elise now.

Claus decided to mess with his wife a little. "Oh my God, you know what, yeah, I think you're right," he said. "I think…Listen, listen!"

"Huh?" said Elise as she, Claus and Gilbert put their ears to the door.

"What's going on?" Gilbert asked; he didn't know that his dad was just messing around.

"A pigeon, a pigeon," said Claus. "No, no wait, no, no, an _eagle _flew in! Landed on the stove and CAUGHT FIRE! The baby, seeing this, jumps across the house to the mighty bird's aid! The eagle, however, misconstrues this as an act of aggression and grabs Lui in its talons."

All of what Claus was saying was starting to scare little Gilbert even more.

"Meanwhile, the faucet fills the house with water," Claus continued. "Baby and bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip, swirling around in the whirlpool that fills the house!"

"Boy, are you gonna be sorry if that's true," said Elise.

* * *

Half an hour later, Germania showed up with the keys and unlocked the door, letting himself, Claus, Elise and Gilbert inside.

"Grandpa, you're late," Gilbert said.

"Sorry, Gilbo," said Germania.

When Elise turned on the lights, she and the rest of the family saw a bunch of German guys sitting in their living room, drinking beer. Some of them were playing "Hot Potato" with baby Ludwig!

"Give me my baby," Elise said angrily as she snatched Ludwig out of one of the guy's arms.

"Get out of our house," Claus said, glaring at the men. He, Germania and Elise then threw all the guys out of their house and locked the door.

"Look at them run away, bunch of scaredy cats," said a laughing Gilbert.

"Okay, Gilbo, time for bed," Elise said as she and Claus carried Gilbert and Ludwig to their rooms for the night.

When Elise turned the light on in the baby's room, she was surprised to see a bunch of cats just meowing and sitting there! She then left the room, still holding Ludwig, and went to Gilbert's room to talk to her husband.

"Mommy?" said Gilbert.

"Claus, there's a bunch of cats in Lui's room," said a very, very confused Elise.

"Must be the Karpusi's cats," said Claus. He then went to the kitchen and dialed the number to Leonidas and Athena Karpusi's house.

After a few minutes, someone answered.

"_Hello?" _asked a very sleepy (actually, _perpetually _sleepy) 7-year-old Heracles.

"Hi, Heracles," said Claus. "Are your mom and dad home?"

"_Yeah," _Heracles replied. He then left Claus on hold while going to get his parents.

"_Hello?" _said an equally perpetually sleepy Leonidas.

"Hey, Leo," said Claus. "I think your cats are over here. They're all over Lui's room."

"_Okay, Athena and I'll come over and get them," _Leonidas said with a yawn.

"Thanks," said Claus. He then hung up the phone and went back to Elise and the kids.

Minutes later, Leonidas and Athena came over with their son.

'_Geez, the whole __**family's **__sleepy,' _thought Elise as she looked at the sleepy trio.

"Okay, where are the cats again?" asked Athena.

"They're in Lui's room, Mommy," said Heracles.

"I'll show you where it is," said Claus. He led the Karpusis to Ludwig's room, where the cats were still all over everything.

"Okay, guys, come on," said Leonidas.

"Come on, time to go," said Athena.

The cats didn't listen to either of them.

"Come on, kitties," said Heracles, getting out some cat food. "Time to go home now."

The cats complied happily and followed the boy out of the baby's room.

"They never listen to _us_," Leonidas said with surprise.

"Thanks again for getting those cats out," said Claus.

"No problem," Leonidas said and then tiredly stumbled back home and somehow made it through the door with his eyes closed.

Elise shook her head. "I'll never understand them," she said about the Greek family across the street from their house.

Claus and Elise then put Gilbert and Ludwig to bed…but not before four of the German guys from before grabbed Gilbert and played "Hot Potato" with the boy, using him as the potato!

"Get out!" Claus and Elise shouted and threw the guys out the window.

"Auf Wiedersehen!" Claus shouted angrily at the retreating figures.

"And stay out!" shouted Elise.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Now you know where Heracles gets his perpetual sleepiness, ha-ha ^_^

**Reviews make those guys too scared to use Gilbo and Lui as potatoes in "Hot Potato" ^_^**


	18. Gilbert's Drunken Adventure

**Author's Note:** Someone from The Muse Bunny gave me the idea for this chapter.

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 18: Gilbert's Drunken Adventure**

The day was January 18, Gilbert and Ludwig's birthday. Gilbert, after sleeping late, bounded down the stairs of the Beilschmidt house, jumping off the third-to-last step and making Elise drop a plastic bowl of pancake batter.

"Gilbert, don't do that!" Elise said, still getting over the shock of her oldest son scaring her like that.

"Sorry, Mom," said Gilbert. He then went to the living room, where Ludwig, Roderich, Elizabeta and Hannah were watching some kids' show on TV. Gilbert went up behind Roderich and put his hands over the man's eyes.

"Guess who," said Gilbert.

"Stop it, Gilbert," Roderich said irritably.

"CORRECT!" Gilbert exclaimed in Roderich's ear, making the poor man cringe while covering his ears.

"Will you _please _not yell in my ears?" Roderich asked.

"Oh, Gilbert, I thought you'd still be asleep," said Elizabeta, actually surprised that Gilbert was up at 10:00 in the morning.

"Guess what today iiiiiiiiiiiiis," Gilbert said.

"I know, I know!" Hannah said, raising her little hand excitedly while jumping up and down. "It's Gilbo and Lui's birfday." (Hannah couldn't pronounce her -th sounds just yet.) "Right?"

"That's right, Hannah," said Gilbert.

"So, Gilbo, how old are you now?" Roderich asked sarcastically. "5, 10, 12?" Elizabeta laughed a little at her husband's remark.

"No, stupid, I'm 21," Gilbert said in an irritated voice. He really didn't need his cousin's sarcastic remarks on his birthday. His _21st _birthday, especially.

"You're 21?" said Hannah. "You're OLD, Gilbo." The little girl then looked up at Ludwig and said, "Isn't Gilbo old, Lui?"

"Yeah, he _is _old," Ludwig said and laughed.

"Oh, ha-ha, very funny, LuLu," Gilbert said sarcastically. "And you're still a baby, baby bwother." Gilbert then grabbed Ludwig and gave him a noogie.

"Stop it, GilGil!" Ludwig complained.

"No way, wittle baby!" Gilbert said and laughed.

"Well, happy birthday, Gilbo, but could you _please _take your antics elsewhere?" said Roderich.

"Fine, you aristocrat dumbass," Gilbert mumbled. He then walked away from the people in the living room.

"I heard that," Roderich called. "And, for the last time, moron, I'm not an aristocrat."

* * *

That night, after Gilbert had his birthday dinner with his family and friends, he, Francis and Antonio went out to a bar to continue celebrating.

"Hey, man, another three more over here!" Gilbert called to the bartender.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" the bartender asked.

"Hey, it's my birthday, don't tell me what to do," Gilbert said back.

The bartender just shrugged and walked away, muttering about "rowdy troublemakers who think they own the bar".

"That dumb Roderich," Gilbert said, his words starting to slur now. "He's so *hic* stupid, am I right?"

"Yeah, amigo," said Antonio as he put an arm around Gilbert.

"Oui, mes amis," said a now drunk Francis. He, too, put an arm around Gilbert.

"THE BAD FRIENDS TRIO WILL LIVE FOREVERRRRRRRR!" Gilbert shouted. He, Antonio and Francis clanged their glasses together, drank and laughed drunkenly.

"You know, Gilbo," said Francis. "Your *hic* cousin doesn't know what *hic* he's missing from the Master of L'Amour."

"Shaddup, Francis," said Gilbert, still drunk.

After drinking, Gilbert called the house.

"_Hello?" _said a very tired Ludwig.

"Heyyyyyyyyy, West," Gilbert said drunkenly and cheerfully.

"_Oh, it's you, Gilbo," _said Ludwig. _"What do you want?"_

"Can you drive me and my friends home?" asked Gilbert.

"_Gilbert, you know I have school tomorrow morning, and you have to leave to go back to college tomorrow," _Ludwig said in an exasperated voice.

"Aw, come on, little bro," Gilbert whined. "Please?"

Ludwig sighed. _"Oh, alright, fine," _he said. _"Where are you?"_

"The Rockslide," said Gilbert.

"_Okay, I'm coming," _said Ludwig, and then hung up.

* * *

Later, Ludwig showed up in front of the Rockslide and motioned for the Bad Friends Trio to get inside. Francis and Antonio stumbled in on their own, but Ludwig had to pick his older brother up off the ground and carry him and put him in the front seat of the car.

Just as Ludwig was driving back home, Gilbert said, "Alright, little bro, stop the car."

"Hell no," said Ludwig.

"Stop the car now!" Gilbert shouted, which made Ludwig stop. Gilbert then pushed Ludwig out of the driver seat, got in, and strapped Ludwig in the front passenger seat.

"Okay, guys," Gilbert said to Francis, Antonio and Ludwig. "Ready?"

"Yeah!" Francis and Antonio said excitedly.

"Alrighty, let's go!" Gilbert shouted as he started the car and sped off on a joyride.

"Noooooooooo!" yelled a scared Ludwig as Gilbert sped down a dirt road outside of town.

"Wooooooooo-hoooooooooooo!" Gilbert, Antonio and Francis yelled at the top of their lungs.

Ludwig, who was still scared, finally got up the courage to yell at his drunken brother. "Okay, stop it right now!" he yelled at the trio.

Gilbert stopped, and he and his friends turned and started at the teen in surprise.

"I'm taking us all back home this instant," Ludwig said firmly as he undid the seat belt in the front passenger seat, pushed Gilbert out of the driver seat and strapped him in the passenger seat, got in the driver seat and drove back home.

"Weeeeeeeeest," Gilbert whined as he clung to his little brother, "you're no fuuuuuuuun."

"Shut up, Gilbert," Ludwig said. He then dropped Francis and Antonio off at the Vargas house and drove back to the Beilschmidt house.

Ludwig pulled into the driveway, got out of the car, got Gilbert out of the car, put Gilbert on his back, and went into the house.

"Good, he's asleep now," he mumbled as he put his brother (who was now sucking his thumb like a little kid) to bed.

* * *

**Reviews make Gilbo's hangover go away faster ^_^**


	19. The and then Problem

**Author's Note:** This chapter is based on the Chinese food "And then?" scene from the movie _Dude, Where's My Car?_

Also, Gilbo's 22 now and Lui's 18.

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 19: The "and then" Problem**

Kiku pulled up to the Chinese food drive-thru where his big brother, Yao, worked.

"I'm ordering, Gilbo," said Ludwig.

"No, West, let _me _order," said Gilbert. "You'll just ask for wurst again, and they don't have any freaking wurst here!"

"Ve~ Just let Gilbert order," said Feliciano, trying to keep peace between the brothers.

"Fine," Ludwig mumbled. "Stupid brother."

"I'm not stupid," said Gilbert.

"_Chinese Foooood, how may I help you, aru?" _Yao's voice asked through the intercom.

"Hi, Yao!" Kiku said.

"_Hi, Kiku, aru!" _Yao said happily.

"Yeah, I'd like to place an order," said Gilbert.

"_What would you like?" _asked Yao

"Yeah, I'd like six orders of garlic chicken," Gilbert said.

"_And then, aru?" _said Yao.

"And then six orders of white rice," Gilbert replied.

"_And then?" _asked Yao.

"And then…you guys want soup?" said Gilbert, turning to the group.

"Sure," Kiku, Feliciano, Ludwig, Francis and Antonio responded.

"Yeah, six orders of wantan soup," said Gilbert.

"_And then?" _said Yao.

"Oh, ah, some fortune cookies, too," said Gilbert.

"_And then, aru?" _asked Yao.

"That's it," said Gilbert. "I think that's about it."

"_And then?" _said Yao.

"No. That's it," said Gilbert.

"_And then?" _Yao asked again, now starting to mess with Gilbert and the others.

"And then, and then, and then I'm, then nothing else 'cause I'm done ordering, okay?" said Gilbert while he and the other five in the car laughed a little.

"_And then?" _said Yao, thoroughly enjoying messing around with these six.

"No," said Gilbert. "No. See, all I want is the six orders of the garlic chicken and the six orders of the white rice."

"And the soup, mon ami," Francis added.

"Oh, and the wantan soup," said Gilbert.

"And the cookies fortune," Antonio chimed in.

"And the fortune cookies, yes," said Gilbert. "So, it's just the, it's the, the chicken…the rice, the soup, the fortune cookies, and that's it."

"_And then, aru?" _said Yao.

Gilbert laughed a little, looked at Ludwig, Francis and Antonio, and turned back to the intercom. He decided to just play along. "And then you can put it in a brown paper bag and come put it in my hand 'cause I'm ready to eat."

_"And then, aru?"_ said Yao.

"Hey! I refuse to play your Chinese food mind games," said Gilbert.

"_And theeen?" _Yao said.

Gilbert was starting to get frustrated at Yao. "No," he said. "No 'and then'!"

"_And then, aru?"_

"No 'and then'!"

"_And then?"_

"No 'and then'!"

"_And then?"_

"No 'and then'!"

"_And then?"_

"No 'and then'!"

"_And then?"_

Ludwig shook his head in annoyance as Gilbert said, "No. No 'and then'!"

"Brother, cut it out," Kiku said into the intercom, but it was no use, because Yao kept egging Gilbert on.

"_And theeeeen, aru?" _Yao said again.

"You're really starting to piss me off, Yao!" said Gilbert.

"_And theeeeeen?"_

"And then," Gilbert responded, "I'm gonna come in there…and I'm gonna put my foot in your ass if you say 'and then' again!"

There was silence when Gilbert retreated back into the car. He shook his head and shrugged his shoulders in frustration while Ludwig, Kiku, Feliciano, Francis and Antonio looked at him in confusion.

"_And then? And then? And then? And then? And then?" _Yao said childishly.

Gilbert, in a fit of rage, reached out the window and tried to get into the restaurant by tearing apart the intercom.

"Brother, stop!" Ludwig said as he tried pulling Gilbert back in. "Kiku, drive, drive!" he yelled to his friend behind the wheel.

Kiku sped off, and all that was left of the intercom was the little microphone.

Yao's voice was heard coming out of the thing: _"And theeeen, aru?"_


	20. Lizzie's Inappropriate Song

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone! This chapter's based off the "Friends" episode, "The One with Ross's Inappropriate Song".

Gilbo's 23 and Lui's 19.

P.S.: Krysia is the name I'm using for Feliks' sister, who I made up for this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 20: Lizzie's Inappropriate Song**

Elizabeta was sitting in the living room of her and Roderich's house, watching TV with Hannah and Noah (her baby son). The TV was on channel 144, and Hannah was, at the moment, sitting with her eyes glued to "Avatar: The Last Airbender", eating chicken nuggets and fries and drinking soda from McDonald's.

Noah whined a little, and Hannah gave him two fries. "Here, Noah," she said.

"Hahahahahaha! Aang thinks Momo and Appa are talking to him!" Hannah then said happily and laughed at the TV.

Just then, Noah cried loudly. Elizabeta picked him up and got off the couch.

"Mommy, where are you going?" Hannah asked.

"Noah needs a diaper change," Elizabeta said.

Minutes later, she came back out with the baby and sat back down with Hannah. Then, she turned to both her kids.

"Listen, Hannah, promise me you'll keep the McDonald's thing a secret from your father, okay?"

"Sure, Mommy," said Hannah. "But why?"

"Because Daddy doesn't like you or your brother eating McDonald's after what happened with you, Gilbo and Lui when you were 2," said Elizabeta. She turned to Noah, who was now playing with a Megaherz CD Gilbert had left behind accidentally, and said, "And that's why, no matter what Daddy says, we really weren't at McDonald's. No we weren't. No we weren't."

Elizabeta then picked up Noah. "Come here, handsome," she said. "Oh! Look at you! You are the cutest baby ever! You're just a…a little bitty baby, you know that? But you've got…you've got big, beautiful eyes…Yes you do…and a…and a big, round belly. **B**ig **b**aby **b**utt.

_**I like big butts and I cannot lie**_

_**You other brothers can't deny**_

_**When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist**_

_**And a round thing in your face you get—"**_

"Mommy, he's laughing," Hannah said happily and pointed to her baby brother, who was laughing at Elizabeta's song.

"Oh my God, Noah…" Elizabeta said. "You're laughing! Oh my God, you've never done that before…Mommy made you laugh, huh? Well, Mommy and Sir Mix Alot… What? What? You wanna hear some more? Um…

_**My anaconda don't want none**_

_**Unless you got buns hon…"**_

Noah laughed again and Elizabeta, looking worried, picked her son up. "I'm a terrible mother," she said.

Just then, Ludwig came into the house through the Edelstein's living room window.

"Lui, what are you doing?" Elizabeta asked.

Gilbert came in through the door. "You know, West, there's an invention called a _door_. Have you heard of it?"

"Shut up, Gilbert," said Ludwig. "Lizzie, I need your help! I'm meeting Krysia's family tonight, and I need you to convince my stupid brother that my hair looks good slicked back."

"Feliks' sister?" asked Elizabeta.

"Yeah," said Ludwig.

"No, it doesn't," Gilbert said, getting back to Ludwig's hair issue. "Whenever you go out with a girl, and your hair's slicked back on the date, you get really nervous and curse at her in German…and then it gets bad."

Elizabeta sighed. "Lui…" she said. "I hate to say this, but…well…Gilbo's right about your hair. Just brush it but leave your bangs alone."

"But….but but…" Ludwig said.

"Trust me, Krysia won't care that your hair's not slicked back," Elizabeta reassured Ludwig.

"Okay," said Ludwig. He and Gilbert then left and went back home.

* * *

Later, Roderich came home.

"Daddy, you're home!" said Hannah.

"Hey, Hannah," said Roderich. "Lizzie, hi," he said happily when he saw his wife.

"Hi," said Elizabeta.

"Allen Walker's doing great with his piano lessons," said Roderich. "His father's gonna be proud when he sees him in the recital in two weeks."

"Guess what?" Elizabeta said.

"What?" asked Roderich.

"Mommy made Noah laugh today," said Hannah.

"WHAT?" Roderich said in disbelief. "And I missed it? Because I didn't bother to end the lesson early even though Allen said it was okay if I did?"

"Yeah, and it was, um…it was like a real little person laugh, too," said Elizabeta. "It was…it was like, um…" Elizabeta then tried to impersonate Noah's laugh, only to have it come out very squeaky and high pitched. She then laughed at herself, but stopped once she saw Roderich and Hannah's creeped-out faces. "Only…only not creepy."

"Well…well, what did you do to make him laugh?" Roderich asked.

"I, um…Well, I sang…" Elizabeta said.

Roderich gasped. _'Lizzie __**sang**__?' _he thought in surprise.

"Actually," said Hannah, "Mommy rapped…what's the song again?"

"'Baby Got Back'," said Elizabeta.

Roderich's face changed from excited to angry.

"You WHAT?" he yelled. "You sang…to our baby son, and in front of our little daughter…a song about a guy who likes to have sex with women with giant asses?"

"Not in front of Hannah!" Elizabeta said about Roderich's cursing. "But you know what…well, if you think about it… it actually promotes a healthy…um…body image…well, for Hannah anyway…and…um…teaches Noah that…um…even big butts…"

"Ohhhhhhh!" Roderich said in a disgusted tone.

"Please, don't take Hannah and Noah away from me," Elizabeta pleaded.

* * *

Ludwig was standing nervously at the Lukasiewicz's door. Out of habit, he slicked his hair back, but then Gilbert jumped out of one of the bushes.

"Oh no you don't, West," Gilbert scolded, brushing Ludwig's hair out and leaving the bangs to cover Ludwig's forehead.

"Brother!" Ludwig complained. "It's my hair, and I'll—"

"Listen, I know how you get when you have your hair slicked back when you're with a girl," Gilbert said. "Now just _leave your hair alone_."

"Fine," said Ludwig. "Now…why don't you just…go and wreak havoc with Francis and Tony?"

When Gilbert left, Ludwig knocked on the door and was greeted by Krysia.

"Lui!" Krysia said happily. "Come in, everyone's waiting to meet you."

Ludwig stepped into the house and was led to the den, where Krysia's parents, Ignacy and Aurelia, and her brothers and sister, Feliks, Rena and Marek (twins), were. Feliks was talking on a cell phone to his best friend, Toris.

"I know, Ivan's, like, so scary, right?" the 18-year-old said. "I mean, he's totally cracked."

"Feliks, get off the phone," Aurelia scolded her oldest son.

"Liet, I've, like, gotta go," said Feliks. "Peace." He then hung up and looked questioningly at the young man Krysia brought into the house.

"Uh…hi," Ludwig said nervously as he sat down next to Krysia.

* * *

Back at the Edelstein's house, Elizabeta and Hannah were out. Roderich was sitting home alone with Noah, trying to get the baby to laugh.

"Okay…" Roderich pleaded. "Ahhh…please laugh for Daddy. Please? Please laugh for Daddy." He made several silly gestures, such as making a farting noise and using his fingers as antlers.

Noah didn't laugh.

"Not funny, huh?" said Roderich. "Oh, so is it…only offensive novelty rap? Or maybe just, you know, rap in general? 'Cause Daddy can rap…

_**My name is Daddy and I'm here to say**_

_**That all babies are…"**_

Roderich became frustrated with himself when Noah didn't laugh.

"Oh, I can't rap," he said. "Alright, son…This is only because I love you so much, and I know you're not gonna tell anybody…

_**I like big butts and I cannot lie**_

_**You other brothers can't deny**_

_**When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist**_

_**And a round thing in your face…"**_

Roderich brightened when Noah started laughing for him. "Yes! Yes! Yes! YES!" he exclaimed. "Ohhhhhhh! Oh!" He then started getting into the song.

_**I like big butts and I cannot lie**_

_**You other brothers can't deny…"**_

Noah started laughing again.

"Oh, Noah, you're laughing!" Roderich said. "Oh, you are, you really do like big butts, don't you?" He then picked up Noah and said, "Oh, you cute little weirdo…"

Elizabeta and Hannah came in at that moment.

"Hey!" said Elizabeta, smiling when she saw Roderich holding Noah.

"Oh, you missed it," said Roderich. "He was laughing. Oh, it was amazing. It was amazing! It was the most beautiful sound that…"

"Oh, I know, isn't it?" said Elizabeta. "Ooh…what did you to get him to laugh?"

"Oh!" said Roderich. "You know, I just…couple of things I tried…I just sang a little doo…Itsy Bitsy Spider…"

"You sang 'Baby Got Back', didn't you?" asked Elizabeta.

"Nothing else worked," said Roderich. "That boy is all about the ass…"

* * *

"Thanks for coming, Lui," said Krysia.

"See you," said Ludwig. He turned to leave, but before he could, Feliks, Rena and Marek came up to him.

"Oh, hi, guys," Ludwig said.

"It was nice to meet you," Rena and Marek said at the same time.

"Oh, one more thing," said Feliks. "Be nice to my sister. 'Kay, dude? 'Cause if you don't, I'll totally kick your ass."

"Uh, okay," said Ludwig. He then left and met Gilbert, and the two went to go to Roderich and Elizabeta's house, because they had to watch Hannah and Noah for a couple hours while Roderich and Elizabeta went to a play.

* * *

Meanwhile, Roderich and Elizabeta were rapping 'Baby Got Back' to Noah, while Hannah was watching and laughing at her parents, especially her father.

Elizabeta: _**She sweat, wet. Got it going like a turbo 'vette.**_

Roderich: _**So fellas.**_

Elizabeta: _**Yeah!**_

Roderich: _**fellas**_

Elizabeta: _**Yeah!**_

Roderich: _**has your girlfriend got the butt?**_

Elizabeta: _**Hell yeah!**_

Roderich: _**So shake it!**_

Roderich then slapped Elizabeta's butt, and the two continued rapping.

Elizabeta: _**So shake it!**_

Roderich: _**Shake it!**_

Just then, Gilbert and Ludwig walked in and looked at their cousin and his wife in confusion.

Elizabeta: _**Shake it!**_

Roderich: _**Shake that nasty butt…**_

Elizabeta: _**Baby got back…**_

Elizabeta then turned around and saw a very confused Gilbert and Ludwig standing in the doorway.

"One more time, from the top," said Roderich.

"_**I like big butts and I cannot lie**_

_**You other br— "**_

Roderich then turned around and saw his cousins standing in the doorway.

Elizabeta feigned astonishment and anger at her husband, and she said, "Roderich, please! That is so inappropriate!"

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh, yeah, I only had Allen Walker in there because I needed a name for Roderich's student.

**Read and review! ^_^**


	21. Elise Beats Up Gilbert's Bully

**Author's Note:** This chapter is going to be sort of a reference to the episode of Family Guy when Peter beat up Kyle when Kyle beat up Chris.

Gilbo's 5 and Lui's 1.

Enjoy ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 21: Elise Beats Up Gilbert's Bully**

One day, in the kindergarten class at Hetalia Elementary School, Gilbert and his friends, Francis and Antonio, were running around the classroom during playtime. Gilbert then climbed up on one of the chairs and struck a victorious pose.

"I'm the King of the awesomest country in the world! Prussia!" the youngest of the Bad Friends Trio said proudly. "All shall bow before me!"

"Hey, Beershit," a voice called out to Gilbert.

Gilbert sighed. "What is it, Viktor?" he said in an annoyed tone. "And you will address me as King Gilbert."

"I'm not addressing you as anything but Beershit," Viktor Krum said rudely. "What makes you think you're king of that stupid dead country anyway?"

"Hey!" Gilbert yelled, jumping down from his "throne". He got in Viktor's face. "First of all, Krum," he continued, "I'm part Prussian! My mom's mommy and daddy were born in Prussia! And second…Prussia's not dead! It's just invisible!"

Viktor stuck his tongue out at Gilbert and said, "Prussians are stupid."

This made Gilbert a little upset. Viktor saw this as an opportunity to further upset the boy.

"D'awwww, don't feel bad, Beershit," he said mockingly. "At least your country can now rest in peace…I mean pieces, _Your Highness_." Viktor, being the class bully, poked Gilbert in the forehead.

"Stop it," Gilbert whined. He looked as if he was about to cry.

"Viktor, por favor, stop picking on Gilbo," said Antonio.

"Oui, stop it," said Francis.

"Oh, I'll stop," said Viktor. "If you give me your lunch boxes, that is."

"Okay…" Francis said, not wanting Viktor to bully Gilbert any longer.

"No, Francis," said Antonio. "That's what he wants."

"Tony, just give him your lunch box," said Gilbert. He then handed over his Pikachu lunch box to the Bulgarian bully. Francis and Antonio complied as well, not wanting their friend to continue being bullied.

"Yeah!" Viktor exclaimed triumphantly as he snatched the lunch boxes away from the trio. "Give your king food!"

Francis, Antonio, and Gilbert spent the rest of the day miserable and hungry, due to Viktor eating their snacks.

* * *

Later, when Gilbert and his friends came home from school, they automatically went into their houses.

Elise was playing with little Ludwig when she heard the door open and close. She knew Gilbert was home from school.

"Hey, Gilbo," she said. "How was your day, sweetie?"

"Bad," Gilbert said. He plopped himself down on the couch next to his baby brother, who looked at him happily.

"Giwbo, Giwbo!" Ludwig said and clung to Gilbert.

"Hey, West," Gilbert said gently and messed up Ludwig's hair.

Just then, Gilbert heard the sound of the piano in the den being played. He knew who was playing it, too: his 14-year-old cousin, Roderich. The boy had come to live with the Beilschmidts early in the year, just after Roddy's parents died in an accident.

"Roddy, please stop playing," Gilbert called a little too angrily.

Roderich came out of the den and looked at the pouting boy on the couch. "What's wrong, Gilbo?" he asked, obviously confused.

"Viktor Krum picked on me today," said Gilbert.

"Viktor Krum?" said Elise. "Mila's son?"

"What did Viktor say?" asked Roderich.

"He said Prussians were stupid, and he mocked Prussia," Gilbert responded.

"Why that little…!" Elise began, but then regained her composure. "Um…well, Gilbo, you should just ignore Viktor," she told her older son. "I'll talk to his mom tomorrow."

"Okay," said Gilbert.

* * *

The next day, Gilbert was playing with Francis and Antonio. Viktor came up to them.

"So, shrimps," he said. "Where's your snacks? Huh?"

No response.

"Hey!" Viktor said, finally getting the boys' attention. "I said, 'Where's my snacks?'"

"Viktor, stop being a meanie," said Gilbert.

"Oh, you think I'm being a meanie, huh?" Viktor said. "I'll show you a meanie!" He then punched Gilbert in the face, giving him a black eye.

"Owwww!" Gilbert cried, tears leaking from his eyes.

"Teacher!" Francis and Antonio called.

"What's wrong?" asked the teacher.

"Viktor punched Gilbo," said Antonio.

"Oh my god," the teacher said. She went over to the two boys.

"Okay, Gilbo, let me see," she said gently, taking Gilbert's hand off his right eye and revealing the bruised and swollen eye.

"It hurts, Teacher," Gilbert whimpered.

"It's okay," said the teacher. She turned to Francis and Antonio. "Boys, could you take Gilbo to the nurse?" she asked.

"Okay," said Francis. He and Antonio led Gilbert to the nurse's office while the teacher dealt with Viktor. Germania, who wasn't doing anything, came to pick up Gilbert and bring him home for the day.

* * *

Germania pulled into the driveway. He and Gilbert got out and went into the house.

Elise was feeding Ludwig and watching TV when she looked and saw Germania and a teary-eyed Gilbert.

"Oh my gosh!" she said. "Gilbo, what happened?" Elise noticed Gilbert's black eye.

"Viktor beat me up," Gilbert replied.

"I can't believe you're just letting that kid beat you," Roderich scolded; he was very mad that Vash Zwingli got him in trouble and suspended from school for the day. "I mean, you're a Beilschmidt, for God's sake!"

"Roderich, don't talk to your cousin like that," said Germania. "Listen, someone should go talk to Viktor."

"I'll go talk to him," said Elise. "Here, watch Lui for me." She handed the baby to her father-in-law and left the house.

* * *

Elise arrived at the Krum's house and rang the doorbell. Viktor's parents, Damyan and Mila, answered.

"Hi," said Elise. "I'm one of your neighbors, and your son beat up my older son at school today."

"Oh my," said Mila. "So your kid's the one who Viktor beat up?"

"They're not getting along?" asked Damyan.

"No, I'm afraid not," said Elise. "I was just wondering if I could talk to your son for a couple minutes."

"Sure," said Mila. "He's up in his room."

Elise went up to Viktor's room, where the boy was playing with Lego's.

"Hi, Viktor," she said. "I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt's mother."

"'I'm Gilbert Beilschmidt's mother'," Viktor said, mimicking Elise.

"Hey, that's not very nice," Elise said. "I don't sound like that at all. You're making me sound like Kagome Higurashi from Inuyasha. Look, I just wanted you to know that what you did today was wrong."

"'What you did today was wrong'," Viktor responded.

"You're not making this easy, Viktor," said Elise.

"'You're not making this easy, Viktor'. I'm Elise Beilschmidt, and I'm a big, ugly, dumb buttface."

"Shut up, Viktor!" Elise said angrily.

"My name's Elise Beilschmidt, and I'm a dorky, stupid numbnuts," Viktor said in a rude voice.

"Viktor, I said shut up!" said Elise.

"You're a poopnose," said Viktor. Boy, did he cross the line that time!

Elise got really mad at this last comment and beat up Viktor until he was laying on the floor, crying. She then snuck out of Viktor's bedroom window, ran back to the Beilschmidt house, and sat down on the couch next to her sons and nephew. She saw that Claus had just come home from work.

"Hey, Auntie," said Roderich.

"Hey, Roddy…" Elise said nervously. "Sooo…what's going on?"

"Is something wrong?" Roderich asked.

"No, no," said Elise, looking straight ahead. "Everything…everything's cool right now…Might be some problems later, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it."

Just then, the phone rang.

"_Hello?" _said Claus. After a couple seconds: _"Elise did what?"_

Elise then stretched and got up. "Well, I best be heading to the store," she said.

"But the store's closed," said Roderich, checking the time.

"Boy, you said it. Alright, take it easy," said Elise. She then ran out of the house and up into a tree in the front yard.

Claus came out and looked up the tree.

"Elise, you get down from that tree this instant!" he said.

"No!" said Elise. "You're gonna yell at me!"

"You're damn right I'm gonna yell at you!" said Claus. "You beat up a 5-year-old boy!"

"He called me names!" Elise whined.

"You're 34, and you just assaulted our neighbor's child," said Claus. "This is a very serious situation."

"Maybe you should've married that Anya girl your mother introduced you to," said Elise. "Would that make you happy if she was your wife?"

"What?" asked Claus. He seriously didn't get why Elise said that.

"I'm going to prison, aren't I?" Elise asked.

* * *

Later, Claus dragged Elise over to the Krum's house and rang the doorbell.

"Now, Ellie, Damyan and Mila have agreed not to press charges if you apologize to Viktor," he told Elise.

"Fine," Elise said, pouting and not knowing why she had to apologize to Viktor, when Viktor should be apologizing to Gilbert.

Damyan and Mila answered the door and glared at Claus and Elise.

"Hi, Damyan, Mila," said Claus. "Ellie has something to say."

"Sorry," Elise mumbled incoherently.

"Say it right," Claus said firmly and grabbed his wife's ear.

"Ow ow ow! Sorry!" she said.

"Apology accepted," said Mila.

"Don't worry, it'll never happen again," said Claus.

"I'm sure it won't," Damyan said. He and Mila then closed the door on Claus and Elise, who went back to their house.


	22. A Shocking Sight for Gilbert

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, which features an adorable, 3-year-old Gilbo ^_^

* * *

**Chapter 22: A Shocking Sight for Gilbert**

Little Gilbert woke up one April night at 2:00 in the morning after having a bad dream. He grabbed his stuffed Sonic the Hedgehog and ran down the hall to his parents' room.

When Gilbert got to Claus and Elise's bedroom, he opened the door quickly.

"Mommy, Daddy," the boy said, starting to cry. "I had a bad dweam—" Gilbert then stared in shock at what he saw: Claus and Elise "wrestling" under the covers. After about 3 minutes, Gilbert let out a bunch of screams.

"Huh?" Claus and Elise said in confusion and then saw their son standing in the doorway, screaming and holding onto his stuffed animal for dear life.

"Oh, God," Elise said and got out of bed. She picked up a still screaming Gilbert and took him to the kitchen, where she sat him down at the table.

* * *

Meanwhile, Gilbert's screams could be heard from the Honda's house. 3-year-old Yao woke up and was pretty cranky. He looked out the window and realized where the screaming was coming from: the Beilschmidt's house.

"Oh, so it's a screaming match you want, eh, Gilbert?" Yao said crossly. "Well, game on, aru!"

As Gilbert continued screaming, Yao screamed back.

"AAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHHHH!" the half-Chinese/half-Japanese boy yelled. "I'm beating you, aru! AAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAAAHHHHHH! AAAAHHHHHH!"

Just then, Yao's parents, Daisuke and Mulan, walked into his room. They both looked very tired. Mulan looked like a grown, female version of Yao, and Daisuke had short, black hair and brown eyes.

"Yao, stop screaming, aru," Mulan said tiredly.

When Yao didn't stop screaming at Gilbert's house, Daisuke got a hold of him. "Yao Honda!" he said firmly. "Stop the screaming. Your mother and I are trying to get some sleep."

Yao looked first at his father, and then at his mother. "I'm sorry, Mommy, Daddy, aru," he said apologetically.

"That's alright, honey," said Mulan. "Now go back to bed, aru."

"Okay, aru," Yao said and did as he was told. Daisuke and Mulan went back to their room.

* * *

Back in the Beilschmidt's house, Elise and Gilbert were sitting down at the kitchen table. Gilbert's screaming had stopped, and the boy was just staring straight ahead at nothing while still holding his stuffed Sonic.

"Gilbo, what you saw in there was actually a beautiful thing," said Elise. "When mommies and daddies love each other very much, they like to show it that way. In fact, that's sort of how you were made."

"You mean that the Stork didn't bwing me to you and Daddy like Woddy said?" Gilbert asked his mother, looking at her with big, red-violet eyes.

"Uh…" Elise said. "No, not exactly."

"So, you and Daddy westled each other to get me?" asked Gilbert.

"Uh…yeah, yeah," said Elise.

"Okay," Gilbert said. "Who won?" he asked a minute later.

Elise, however, didn't have an answer to _that _question. "Um…" she said awkwardly. "Um, why don't I put you back to bed?"

"Okay," said Gilbert. Elise carried him to his room, put him in bed, and put his Mickey Mouse nightlight on for him. She left the door ajar so Gilbert would feel safe going to sleep, and then went back to her and Claus' room.

Little did Gilbert know that Claus and Elise's "wrestling" would later give him a new little brother, on his 4th birthday in January of the next year.

* * *

**Author's Note:** Oh, and I got Yao and Kiku's parents' names from a baby name site; I didn't get the name Mulan from the movie.

"dweam"=dream

"bwing"=bring

"Woddy"=Roddy

"westled"=wrestled

The above words are written like they are because Gilbert, being only 3 in this chapter, wouldn't know how to properly pronounce his "r"'s yet.

**Read and review ^_^**


	23. Christmas

**Author's Note:** Hi, everyone! Sorry for the long wait; I was working on another fanfic, and I've been busy.

Be prepared for an adorable, 1-year-old Gilbo ^_^

Oh, and a 10-year-old Roderich and his parents appear!

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 23: Christmas**

Christmas at the Beilschmidt's house was always a fun time. This year was no exception.

Roderich and his parents, Frederick and Nina Edelstein, pulled into the Beilschmidt's driveway and got out of the car. The family of three walked to the house and rang the doorbell.

"_I'll get it," _a voice called from inside the house.

The door opened, and in the doorway stood Elise holding a very happy Gilbert in her arms. "Fred, Nina, Roddy! Hi!"

"Hi, aunt Ellie," said Roderich.

"Don't just stand there," said Elise. "Come in."

Frederick, Nina and Roderich stepped into the house and took their coats off. Then they went to the den, where Claus and Germania were.

"Hey, Big Sister," Claus greeted Nina joyfully.

"Hi, Claus," said Nina. The two siblings hugged each other and sat down while Roderich turned on the TV.

"NiNi!" Gilbert exclaimed happily as he ran to his aunt. "NiNi!" The baby held out his arms, signaling that he wanted to be picked up.

"Aw, hey there, Gilbo," Nina said sweetly to her nephew.

"NiNi," Gilbert said again, this time jumping up and down with his arms still wide open.

"You want up?" asked Nina. "Okay." Nina picked the boy up and bounced him a little. "Who's a happy boy? You are!" Gilbert laughed when Nina said that.

"Hi, Gilbo," said Roderich. He was leaning towards his baby cousin and smiling. "You're so cu—hey, give those back!"

"WaWa!" said Gilbert. He was now playing with Roderich's fake glasses, first putting them in his mouth and then putting them on. "WaWa!"

"Gilbo, give me my glasses," Roderich protested. "I don't wanna look plain."

Nina very gently pried Gilbert's little fingers off Roderich's glasses. "Come on, Little Prussia, give Roddy his glasses."

"Meh!" Gilbert said in protest when his aunt took the glasses away. He then got distracted and turned to just sucking his thumb.

Roderich took the glasses. "Thanks, Mom." He then went to the bathroom to clean Gilbert's spit off.

When Roderich came out of the bathroom, he had his glasses on again. "Ah, nice, clean glasses," he said to himself.

Germania was now the one holding Gilbert, and the two were watching "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" on the television. Roderich sat down with them.

"_From now on, gang," _said one of the reindeer, _"we won't let Rudolph join in any reindeer games! Right?"_

"_Right!" _came a chorus of cheers from the other young reindeer.

Roderich looked at his grandfather. "Grandpa, those other reindeer aren't very nice."

"No, they are not," Germania commented.

Just then, the three heard a series of clangs and shouts coming from the kitchen.

"What was that?" asked Roderich.

"I don't know," said Germania. "Stay here with Gilbo, okay?" He placed Gilbert in Roderich's lap.

"Uh, okay," said Roderich. He saw that Gilbert looked a little scared of the noise in the kitchen.

"WaWa," Gilbert said and clung to his cousin.

"It's okay, Gilbo," Roderich said gently and coddled the toddler. He continued watching the movie.

"_Rudolph with your nose so bright," _said Santa. _"Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"_

"_It would be an honor, sir," _said Rudolph.

"Hm," said Roderich. "You know, Gilbo, I think Rudolph should've said, 'Screw you, Santa!' instead." Gilbert looked up at Roderich.

* * *

Meanwhile, in the kitchen, Germania was the witness to a screaming Elise.

"Ellie, what's the matter?" the elderly man asked.

"Th-There's a r-roach in this kitchen!" Elise shouted. "Kill it, kill it, kill it, kill iiiiiiit!"

"It's just one little roach," said Frederick.

"Where is that roach?" Claus yelled. He was looking around for the roach that dared to scare his wife, baseball bat in hand.

"Uh, Claus…" Nina said, trying to get her little brother's attention.

"Claus, you don't need that bat," said Germania.

"_Thank you_, Dad," said Nina.

Germania took the bat away from Claus.

"Well, Dad, what am I supposed to use to kill the motherfucker?" asked Claus.

"Claus Axel Beilschmidt," Germania scolded. "Don't curse in here; there are children in the other room."

"Sorry, Dad," said a very embarrassed Claus. He grabbed an old newspaper, rolled it up and resumed looking for the roach.

"Ha-ha!" Nina sang. "You got in trouble, you got in trouble."

"Shut it, Nina," said Claus. "A-ha! Found you!" He found the roach, which now started scurrying away.

"AAAAAHHHHHH! Kill it, Claus, kill it!" Elise yelled frantically.

Nina thought her sister-in-law was going to have a heart attack. _'She's the descendant of brave Prussian soldiers, yet she can't kill a roach?' _she thought.

"I've got it, Ellie!" said Claus. "Say your prayers, you wife-scaring insect!" He raised the newspaper and brought it down on the roach, killing it. Claus was then breathing in and out rather heavily, as if he had just shot someone. "Mission…accomplished…"

"All this over a roach?" Germania muttered under his breath, He then spoke up so that Claus, Elise, Frederick and Nina would be able to hear him. "Okay, now that the roach is dead, why don't we eat?"

"Oh…right," said an embarrassed Elise. She, along with the help of her husband and in-laws, brought out the dinner.

"Come on, boys," Nina called. "Time for dinner."

"Yay!" Roderich exclaimed. He carried Gilbert to the table, and put him in his high chair.

* * *

After dinner and dessert, it was time to open presents.

"Gilbo, this is for you," Elise said excitedly. She helped her son tear open the wrapping, making sure he didn't put any in his mouth.

"Ah!" Gilbert said happily. He was hugging a giant teddy bear.

"And here's something for you, Roddy," said Claus. He indicated a big box encased in wrapping paper.

Roderich tore the wrapping paper off the box, and smiled with delight at what he got. "A keyboard! Thank you!"

"I knew you'd like it," said Claus.

"I'm gonna open it right now," said Roderich. He opened the box and set up the keyboard.

"Ah!" Gilbert squealed when he saw the huge box, open and empty of its contents and just sitting on the floor. The baby put his bear down, walked over to the box and climbed in. He then stood up and started walking around with the box over him. "Shtle!"

"Aw, Claus, look," said Elise. "Gilbo loves that box."

"Aw, how cute!" said Claus. "Ellie, get the video camera out, quick!"

"Right," said Elise. She got out the video camera and filmed Gilbert walking around with the box on him. After some time, she got distracted and was watching Roderich play something on his new keyboard.

"Wow, Roddy, that's really good," said Frederick, clapping when his son finished playing a piece on the keyboard.

Gilbert kept on walking and bumping into walls, and turned a corner. Because he didn't see where he was headed, he tripped and fell down the stairs into the basement. Luckily, he was still in the huge box the keyboard came in! Also, luckily, the box was very thick, so he didn't get hurt.

* * *

Everyone in the den jumped when they heard a noise.

"What was that?" asked Nina.

"It sounded like something falling," said Frederick.

"Come on," said Claus. "Let's go check it out. Roddy, stay here with your cousin."

"Uncle Claus…Gilbo's not here," said a worried Roderich.

"What?" Claus and Elise said frantically.

"I said Gilbo's not here! He's gone!" said Roderich.

"Oh my God, Gilbo!" said Elise. "Where are you?"

"Alright, everyone," said Germania. "Let's look for Gilbert."

"Right," said Roderich and the adults.

Everyone looked everywhere in the house, but there was no sign of the baby.

Just then, Roderich saw the basement door. It was open, and the room was dark.

"Uh, uncle Claus? Aunt Ellie?" he said. "We haven't checked down there."

"Good thinking, Roddy," said Claus, messing up Roderich's hair. He turned the light on, and he and Elise slowly made their way downstairs.

* * *

"Gilbo?" said Elise. "Sweetie, it's Mommy and Daddy. Where are you?" She jumped when she heard a small voice laughing.

"Claus…what's that sound?" asked Elise.

"Sounds like a baby," said Claus. "It's this way." He motioned for Elise to follow him to another part of the basement.

Minutes later, Claus and Elise were in the part of the basement where they heard the small voice.

"It's over here," said Claus.

Elise crossed her fingers, hoping it was Gilbert.

"Stay here," Claus told her. Elise did as she was told and waited nervously as Claus trekked through a mess of stuff.

Claus came upon a thick, huge box: the very box that Roderich's keyboard came in! That was where the laughter was coming from. "Ellie, it's coming from this box."

Elise went to where Claus was and bent down to look at the box. It seemed empty when…

"SHTLE!" Gilbert exclaimed rather excitedly, scaring his parents, who then breathed a sigh of relief when they saw that it was their baby.

"Oh, thank God, Gilbo," said Elise. "Don't scare Mommy and Daddy like that again, okay?" She picked a now giggling Gilbert up. She and Claus brought him back upstairs.

* * *

After checking Gilbert for any injuries—and being satisfied that there were none—the family continued their Christmas celebration.


	24. Looking for Gilbert

**Author's Note:** Hey, everybody! Here's a new chapter of _Typical Beilschmidt Family Moments_, featuring Gilbo as a little baby and a 9-year-old Roderich.

And there are two Seinfeld references in this chapter.

* * *

**Chapter 24: Looking for Gilbert**

One day, Claus and Elise decided they needed a break from their 6-month-old son, so they decided to go out to a nice dinner. They asked Germania if he could watch the baby. Frederick and Nina decided to join the couple and brought 9-year-old Roderich over and asked Germania to watch him as well. Germania said he would.

"Are you sure, Dad?" asked Claus.

"Yeah, Dad, you sure you up to watching them?" Nina asked.

"Of course," Germania said as he bounced a laughing Gilbert on his lap.

"Grandpa, I can't find my glasses," Roderich whined.

Gilbert was holding Roderich's glasses, laughing as he waved them around. Roderich saw that.

"Hey!" said Roderich. "Give those back."

Germania gently pried Roderich's glasses from Gilbert's grip and gave them back to the boy.

"Thanks," said Roderich. He put his glasses back on. "I don't look plain anymore."

Claus, Elise, Frederick and Nina got their coats and turned to leave.

"Thanks again, Dad," said Claus.

"No problem," said Germania. "Don't worry, they won't burn the house down."

"Okay," Elise said and laughed. She went over to Gilbert and kissed him on his forehead. "See you later, Gilbo," she said sweetly to the baby.

The four adults left, and Germania was left at the house with Roderich and Gilbert.

Germania turned on the TV, and Roderich sat next to him and Gilbert, who was taking a nap on the elderly man. Germania and Roderich were watching Seinfeld.

"_Come on, Elaine!" _Jerry Seinfeld whined at one of his friends.

"_No, Jerry!" _said Elaine.

"_Elaiiiine!" _Jerry whined again.

"_NO!" _Elaine said in a scolding manner as Jerry pouted like a little kid.

"Gee, Jerry's immature," said Roderich.

"Yes, he is," Germania said quietly, careful not to wake Gilbert.

Just then, Germania's phone rang.

"Hello?" Germania said when he picked up the phone.

"_AAAAHHHHH! Germania, you've gotta help me!" _said Germania's friend, Rome Vargas.

Germania sighed at the voice of his Italian friend. "What's wrong, Rome?"

"_I was making pasta in the kitchen!" _said Rome.

"Uh…so?" asked Germania. So Rome was making pasta. So what?

"_So I left for only a couple minutes to talk to some pretty girls!" _said Rome. _"And when I came back, the water was boiling over, and now the kitchen's a complete mess! And there are roaches everywhere!"_

"You want me to go over to your house just to kill a few roaches?" asked Germania. Now he was getting annoyed.

"_A-And clean up the kitchen, too!" _said Rome.

"Rome, you're going to have to learn to kill your own roaches and clean your own kitchen," said Germania. "I've got my grandsons here."

"_Pleeeeeeaaaaaase!" _Rome pleaded. _"I've got my grandsons over at my house, and…Francis, Antonio, don't touch those bugs! HURRY, GERMANIA!"_

The last thing Germania heard before Rome hung up was the man screaming and Francis and Antonio crying.

"Oh, boy," the man said with a sigh. He slowly got up due to Gilbert still sleeping on him and carried the baby to Claus and Elise's room. He then put Gilbert in the crib beside Elise's side of the bed.

"Grandpa, what's going on?" asked Roderich as Germania came out of Claus and Elise's bedroom and went to the front door.

"I'm going over to Rome's place for a bit," Germania replied. "Can you watch Gilbo for me till I get back?"

"Uh, sure," said a confused Roderich.

"Thanks," said a relieved Germania. He went out the door.

Roderich went into his aunt and uncle's room and watched his cousin kicking in his sleep.

"Well, Gilbo, looks like it's just you and me for a bit," Roderich said, careful not to wake Gilbert.

* * *

Meanwhile, Germania was over at Rome's house.

"Alright, where are the roaches?" asked Germania.

"In the kitchen!" Rome exclaimed as he held a naked Francis and a squirming Antonio.

"Okay," said Germania. He went into the kitchen and jumped back. Rome wasn't exaggerating when he said that the kitchen was a complete mess, and that there were roaches.

Germania sighed and got to work killing the roaches and cleaning the kitchen, grumbling about Rome and how he should learn to kill his own bugs and clean his own kitchen.

* * *

Roderich was watching TV while Gilbert still lay sleeping in Claus and Elise's room.

Half an hour passed, and Roderich didn't hear Gilbert crying to be picked up. He thought something was wrong, so he went to his aunt and uncle's room to investigate.

"Gilbo?" the 9-year-old said as he slowly opened the door. "Gilbo? Where are you?" He noticed that the baby's crib was empty except for a stuffed animal.

Roderich looked under Claus and Elise's bed, under both nightstands, and even in the closet. No sign of Gilbert. He then looked at the window and saw that it was open!

"Shit!" he said. He rushed to the kitchen and picked up the phone. He dialed the number to Germania's phone.

After a few rings, there was no answer. Instead, Roderich heard his grandfather's voicemail:

_**Believe it or not,**_

_**Germania isn't at home,**_

_**Please leave a message at the beep.**_

_**I must be out or I'd pick up the phone,**_

_**Where could I be?**_

_**Believe it or not, I'm not home.**_

When the voicemail ended, Roderich heard a beep and left his grandfather a message.

"Grandpa? Are you there? You've really gotta change that message. Anyway, Gilbo's gone! I found his crib empty, and Uncle Claus and Aunt Elise's window's open!"

Roderich hung up and sat on the couch, hugging his knees, and waiting for Germania to get the message and rush home.

* * *

Germania was now done cleaning up after Rome. He checked his phone and saw that he had a message.

"Hm," he said and listened to the message.

"_Grandpa! Are you there? You've really gotta change that message. Anyway, Gilbo's gone! I found his crib empty and Uncle Claus and Aunt Elise's window open!"_

Germania closed his phone and stared straight ahead, shocked at the message he just listened to. "I shouldn't have left the window open," he said to himself.

"Germania?" said Rome out of concern. He waved his hand in front of his friend's face. "Germania? Germania! What's going on?"

"I…I've gotta go," Germania said quickly. He ran out the door and back to his house, where he saw a scared Roderich sitting on the couch and hugging his knees.

"Grandpa…Gilbo's gone…" said Roderich.

"It's okay, we'll find him," said Germania. He called the police and told them what happened.

An officer stayed with Germania and Roderich and asked them questions while the other officers searched the house.

"I don't understand," said Germania. "I was only over at Rome Vargas' house, cleaning up a mess and killing roaches…and then I got Roddy's message…"

The officer had an annoyed look on his face when Germania mentioned Rome. "Oh. Rome Vargas, huh?"

"Yeah, he was screaming about roaches and stuff," said Germania.

The officer shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Well, do you know of anyone who might—I don't know—have a grudge against you or your family…or something?"

"No," said Germania. "But my son and his wife are gonna be home in an hour! Please find—Gilbo, thank God."

Germania and Roderich smiled when they saw one of the officers with a smiling and laughing Gilbert.

Germania took Gilbert and held him tight. "Where did you find him?"

"In the laundry room," the officer who was holding Gilbert replied.

"Oh," said a relieved and embarrassed Germania.

"Don't scare me like that," Roderich said to his cousin. Gilbert just smiled, and made baby noises.

Once the officers left, Germania fed Gilbert while he and Roderich ate.

After Germania and Roderich ate dinner and dessert, and the dishes were done, Germania made a mental note to himself: Remember to lock the laundry room door! He then put Gilbert to bed while Roderich stayed up.

* * *

**Author's Note:** The Seinfeld references are: the episode Roddy and Germania watched, and Germania's voicemail message...thingy.


	25. The Bad Friends Trio's Adventure

**Author's Note:** This chapter features the Bad Friends Trio as 2-year-olds ^_^

Enjoy.

* * *

**Chapter 25: The Bad Friends Trio's Adventure**

It was a beautiful day in Brooklyn. The sun was shining, and there was hardly a cloud in the bright blue sky. The Beilschmidts, Bonnefoys and Carriedos had decided to take their children to the nearby park to play and get some fresh air.

"Okay, Gilbo," said Elise as she set 2-year-old Gilbert on the green grass with his friends, Francis and Antonio. "Stay here and play with your friends, okay?" She gave Gilbert a pat on the head and went to sit with Claus and the others.

"Mommy," Gilbert said and clung to his mother's pant leg.

"Aw, Gilbo, don't worry," Elise said gently. She hugged Gilbert and placed the child back with his friends. "Mommy and Daddy will be right here." She then went over to her husband and their buddies.

"Fwancis! Tony!" Gilbert said excitedly. He was pointing to a butterfly. "Buttfwy!"

"Buttfwy, buttfwy!" Francis and Antonio said. They and Gilbert started chasing the butterfly back and forth and accidentally knocked over Yao.

"Ow!" Yao yelled. He then saw the trio, glared at then and stuck his tongue out. "Mean meanies!" He then ran over to Francis, Antonio and Gilbert and started hitting them with a plastic wok.

"Ow!" the three toddlers whined. "Yao!"

Yao was done hitting the Bad Friends Trio and went back to playing in the sandbox with some other kids.

"Ah!" Gilbert squealed with excitement. "Fwancis! Tony! Vwoom-vwoom!" He was pointing to a car with tinted windows. The back door to said car was wide open.

The kids walked away from the park and climbed into the back of the car, laughing as they did so. Their parents had taken their eyes off them, so it had been an easy escape.

The kids were sitting in the car when a bunch of mob members got in the car and shut the doors. They didn't even know the boys were in there!

"Drive!" one of the guys in the back said. The driver of the car started the engine and drove away from the park very quickly.

"Harry, that rat," said one of the guys.

"He shouldn't have betrayed us like that," said the driver. "He knew what would happen if he did."

"Yeah," said another guy.

"So, what do we do now?" asked the guy sitting next to the kids.

"Dump the body," said the driver. "Old Harry'll be sleeping with the fishes when we're through."

The kids looked out of the window and smiled at the things they were passing.

About 15 minutes later, the mobsters reached a dock. The driver stopped the car, and he and the rest of the guys got out, leaving the back door open.

"Come on," said the leader. "Let's dump 'im."

While the mobsters were dumping the body of the man they called Harry, the kids got out of the car and wandered away.

* * *

Meanwhile, back at the park, the kids' parents were frantically talking to the police, who were taking down their statements.

"W-We just took our eyes off him for a minute!" Claus said hysterically.

"One minute, and our son's gone!" said Elise.

"How could this have happened?" Francis' mother, Amanda, exclaimed.

"It was only one minute!" said Francis' father, Pierre.

"My poor Tony!" said Antonio's mother, Maria.

"We shouldn't have looked away," said Gerardo, Antonio's father.

"Alright," said one of the officers. "Do you have any pictures of the children?"

"Here," the scared parents replied. They each gave the officers a picture of their children.

"We'll do our best to find them," said another cop. The cops then left, leaving the parents at the park.

* * *

Meanwhile, Francis, Antonio and Gilbert were now walking down a sidewalk. They then climbed into a van that was parked in front of a bank; the bank was being robbed.

The robbers later got into the van very quickly with the money. One of them started the van and sped away from the building. Not one of the robbers noticed the kids riding along.

"Wow, look at how much we got," said one of the more…stupid robbers.

"Yeah, we got a lot," said one of the smarter guys. "Now shut up."

Gilbert, curious as to what was inside the bags, took a peek. He saw that there were lots of crisp bills inside and took some out. Francis and Antonio did the same.

"Shit!" said the driver.

"Oh no!" said the guy in the front passenger seat. "We're screwed!"

They saw a bunch of police cars and came to a stop.

"This is the police," one of the officers said into a megaphone. "Come out with your hands up."

The driver of the van tried to go the other way, but was stopped by five more cars blocking his way. "Dammit!"

The officers opened the doors of the van. They pulled the robbers out and, sure enough, saw the kids!

As they arrested the robbers, one of the officers put Francis, Antonio and Gilbert into his car. He then went up to the robbers.

"So, you not only had to rob a bank, but you also had to snatch three little kids from a playground?" the cop asked. He was getting into the robbers' faces.

"What?" asked the stupid robber. "Kids?"

"Yes, kids," the cop said. "You guys had three children in the back of your van!"

"The hell?" asked the driver. "Hey, we didn't know about no kids!"

"Yeah, tell it to the judge," said the cop. He shoved the robbers into the car and slammed the door. "Get them out of my sight."

* * *

Some time later, the cop brought the Bad Friends Trio back to the park, where their parents were waiting and hoping.

The parents looked up and saw the officer with their kids.

"Gilbo!/Francis!/Tony!" the now overjoyed parents said. They picked their kids up.

"Thank you so much," said Claus.

"Don't scare Mommy and Daddy like that again, Gilbo," Elise said gently. Maria and Amanda said the same to Antonio and Francis.

From then on, the Bad Friends Trio's parents swore to never take their eyes off their children again.


	26. Cranky Germania

**Author's Note: **This is the last chapter of _Typical Beilschmidt Family Moments_. It features Gilbert and Ludwig at 24 and 20 years old.

Oh, and Germania and other characters are in it, too.

* * *

**Chapter 26: Cranky Germania**

One day, things were normal in the Beilschmidt household. The day started off just fine, with Gilbert and his girlfriend-turned-fiancée, Anna, visiting, and Ludwig getting ready to head to his first class of the day at Brooklyn College. Roderich and Elizabeta were stopping by to visit as well with their children, 7-year-old Hannah and 1-year-old Noah. Germania was going into one of his daily rants about Rome Vargas' stupidity.

"That darn Rome," said Germania. "He's always calling me to do _something_ for him. If it isn't killing cockroaches, it's cleaning his kitchen…are you listening to me, LuLu? And why do you have to date Krysia? Why couldn't you date a nice German girl?"

Ludwig sighed. "Not again. Grandpa, Krysia and I have been going out for a year now. You know I love her. And don't call me LuLu. You know I hate it when people call me that."

"Bahahahahaha!" Gilbert laughed hysterically. He was holding his sides. "Grandpa called you LuLu!"

"Not funny, _GilGil_!" Ludwig shouted at his older brother.

"Don't call me GilGil!" said Gilbert, getting in Ludwig's face.

"Boys, please stop," Elise pleaded with her sons.

"I will if you make _LuLu_ here stop calling me GilGil," said Gilbert.

"And I'll stop if you make GilGil stop making fun of me," said Ludwig.

"That's enough," Claus said in a stern manner. Gilbert and Ludwig immediately stopped fighting each other when their father spoke up.

"Sorry, Dad," the brothers said.

"Shit!" said Ludwig, checking his cell. "I'm gonna be late! Bye, see you later." He ran out the door.

Gilbert and Anna stayed for awhile, while Claus and Elise went to do whatever they were doing that day. Roderich, Elizabeta and their kids stayed for a bit as well.

Later that day, Gilbert and Anna left to go out to eat, while Roddy, Lizzie, Hannah and Noah spent the day with Germania.

"You know, kids," Germania was saying to Hannah and Noah, who were sitting on his lap. "Back in my day, in Munich, chocolate didn't cost two dollars. It was cheaper than that."

"Really," asked Hannah.

"Ja," said Germania.

Just then, Noah whined, which meant only one thing: He needed a diaper change. And from how much he was whining, he needed it badly.

"Okay, Noah, it's alright," said Elizabeta. She picked Noah up and carried him out of the living room. "Let's get you cleaned up."

Roderich saw a pile of records sitting on the table. "Grandpa, what's all this?"

"Trash," said Germania. "Garbage."

Roderich flipped through the records; some of them were actually still in pretty good shape, despite being as old as…well, the '30s and '40s. "You're throwing these out?"

"I believe that's what you do with garbage, you dope," said Germania.

'_Oh, boy,' _Roderich thought. _'He's in one of those moods again.' _"You don't want any of these?"

"Well, if I wanted it, I wouldn't be throwing it away, now would I, Einstein?" said Germania. Roderich rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Gramps, why are you saying stuff like that to Daddy?" asked Hannah. Germania didn't answer her.

"Oh, Grandpa's just in one of his moods, that's all, sweetie," Roderich told his daughter.

Elizabeta came out with a very pleased-looking Noah. "Roddy, we've gotta go if we're going to take the kids to the doctor."

"Oh, that's right," said Roderich. He hit himself on the forehead for forgetting about that. "Okay, Grandpa, we've gotta go; the kids have a checkup today."

"Okay, go," Germania groaned. "Go to your fancy doctor."

Hannah laughed. "Gramps is funny. See you later."

* * *

Meanwhile, Gilbert and Anna were out at a nice restaurant when Gilbert's cell rang.

"Yeah?" said Gilbert.

"_Hi, Gilbo, it's Roddy," _Roderich said over the phone.

"Oh," said Gilbert. "What do you want? Anna and I are at lunch."

"_Could you have a couple of your friends watch Grandpa for a bit?" _asked Roderich. _"He's in one of his…moods again."_

"Sure," said Gilbert. "Bye." He hung up and dialed the number to Francis' cell.

"_Hello, this is Francis, the Master of L'amour," _said Gilbert's friend.

"Hey, Francis, it's Gilbo," said Gilbert. "Listen, I need you and Tony to go over to my house and keep an eye on my grandpa. He's in one of those moods again."

"_Sure," _said Francis. _"We'll get over there right away."_

"Thanks," said Gilbert, He flipped the phone shut.

* * *

Ludwig's cell rang in class for everyone to hear. Ludwig had been passing notes to his girlfriend, Krysia Lukasiewicz.

'_Dammit, I forgot to turn it off,' _the young man thought as he answered it. "Yeah?"

"_Lui, thank God I got through," _said a relieved Roderich.

"Roddy, what do you want? I'm in class right now, and I think I'm in trouble with the prof." said Ludwig. His face was red from embarrassment.

"_I need you to get a couple of your friends to watch Grandpa for a bit," _said Roderich.

"Fine," said Ludwig. He hung up and then texted Feliciano and Kiku. 'hey could u stop by my house after class? I need u to watch my gramps. Lui' He then flipped the phone shut.

"Ludwig, would you care to share your conversation with the class?" asked the professor. Some of the other students snickered.

"Uh…no, not really," said Ludwig. He sank in his chair, hoping to become invisible to everyone else. "I forgot to turn my phone off…I-I'm sorry, sir. It won't happen again."

"I'm sure it won't," said the professor. He continued with his lecture.

"Was it Roddy?" Krysia whispered.

"Yeah," Ludwig whispered back.

* * *

Meanwhile, Francis, Antonio, Feliciano and Kiku were all at the Beilschmidt's house.

"Wow, look at all these records," Francis said to Antonio.

"Hey, we could sell these," said Antonio.

"That's a great idea, Tony," said Francis. He and Antonio started to take the records.

Feliciano and Kiku were listening with interest to Germania's stories about his childhood in Munich.

"Wow, really?" asked Feliciano.

"Interesting," said Kiku.

"Francis, Tony, no!" said Feliciano. He was now staring in horror at his cousins, who were taking Germania's records.

"Aw, come on, Feli," said Tony. "Don't you wanna make some money?"

"Don't take those records," said Kiku.. "They're not yours."

"Hey, I don't like what's going on here!" said Germania. "I want all of you bums out of here." He lunged at Francis and Antonio, who were still holding the records.

"Hey, come on, old man," said Francis. He was naked, like usual.

"Put some clothes on, Francis!" said Germania.

"Now, listen," said Antonio. "We just…OUCH!" Germania bit Antonio's arm, which caused Antonio to jerk his arm back, which caused Germania to lose his dentures.

"My teeth!" Germania exclaimed. "My teeth!"

"I think I saw something fly over here," said Feliciano.

"Well, turn on the light!" said Kiku.

Feliciano flipped a switch, but it wasn't the light. It was…

"That's the garbage disposal!" said Antonio.

"Uh…" said Feliciano. He pulled some mangled-looking dentures out of the sink.

"My teeth!" said Germania. Now he was angry. "You—!"

"Where's your dentist?" asked Antonio.

"Downtown!" said Germania.

"Okay, Francis, call a cab. I'll get Germania ready," said Kiku.

* * *

Minutes later, the four young men were in a cab. Francis and Antonio had Germania's pile of old records.

"Wait, wait, where's the old man?" said Kiku.

"We thought he was with you," said Francis.

"Let's go find him!" said Feliciano. He and the others got out of the cab.

About an hour later, there were two police officers at the house.

"What the hell?" one of the officers shouted at the four guys. "You guys were supposed to watch out for the man, not let him wander off!"

"We're sorry," said Francis.

"We were just trying to take him to the dentist," said Kiku.

"Why were you trying to take him to the dentist?" asked the officer.

"Well, his false teeth got mangled in the garbage disposal," said Feliciano.

"What were his false teeth doing in the garbage disposal?" said the cop.

"After he bit my cousin—" Francis started to say.

"Bit your cousin?" the cop said, his eyes wide with surprise.

Just then, Feliciano and the others heard the angry voices of Gilbert and Ludwig.

"_It's Gilbert and Ludwig Beilschmidt," _Gilbert was saying to a couple of cops. _"Mr. Beilschmidt's grandsons."_

"_Alright, come on in," _said a cop.

Gilbert and Ludwig walked in, Anna by Gilbert's side.

"What's going on here?" Gilbert asked angrily. "How do you lose a human being?"

"We're sorry, mon ami," said Francis.

"And why the hell are you naked?" asked Ludwig. "And…Grandpa's records! Where are they?" He was looking at the table that once held Germania's record collection.

"Well…" said Antonio.

"Francis and Tony tried to take your grandpa's records, and broke them," said Feliciano.

"His records?" said Gilbert and Ludwig.

"Grandpa's records?" said Gilbert.

"They're broken?" Ludwig asked, clearly enraged.

"W-We're s-s-sorry," said Francis and Antonio.

Just then, Germania came through the door. "What's going on?"

"Grandpa!" said a now happy Gilbert and Ludwig.

"Where were you, Mr. Beilschmidt?" asked Kiku.

"At the dentist," said Germania. "I got new dentures."

"Thank God," said the relieved brothers.

"Francis Bonnefoy, put your clothes on!" said Germania.

"Sorry, sir," said Francis. He ran out the door.

"Well, sir, we're glad you're safe," said one of the cops. "We'll be going now." The police left.

* * *

The rest of the day, after that incident, was relatively peaceful.


End file.
